Quick Jokes / Recent Jokes

Suzie had a crush on Mikey since she was 15-years-old. Mikey never paid Suzie any attention. Every year, Suzie would try to get Mikey to notice her, but he just wasn't interested. Finally, when Suzie turned 18, she began to come of age, and sure enough, Mikey noticed. Suzie looked so pretty and grown-up, that Mikey asked her for a date for a Friday night.

She was so excited all that week and she could hardly wait for Friday. As soon as she got home from school on Friday, Suzie began getting ready for her date at 7. She spent four hours on her clothes, hair and make-up, wanting everything to be perfect for the night she had waited years for.

Finally, 7 pm came around. Looking out the window, she saw Mikey pull up in his shiny black car. She became so nervous and excited, that she opened the door before he even got to it. "Hi Mikey!" she said, nervous as a cat. Mikey replied, "Suzie you look beautiful!" Suzie was so pleased when she walked out more...

Santa was asked to try out a new parachute with a radio link to a guy on the ground, the guy on the ground would say when to pull the release cord for the parachute.
Santa jumped out of the plane and started to fall when he reached a thousand feet the guy on the ground said ok pull the release cord now, Santa didn`t take any notice and kept falling.
He got down to 500 feet and the guy on the ground said quick pull the cord you are getting close, but Santa just ignored him and kept falling.
He got down to 100 feet and the guy on the ground said quick pull the cord, Santa still ignored him.
He got down to 10 feet, the guy on the ground said this is your last chance you`ll be killed if you don`t pull the cord now.
Santa replied, "Thats ok. I can jump from here!!"

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hackers a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the inbox with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).
When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!
I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.
When the image resolved, so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came,
Then more...

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens, While visions of Java danced in their dreams.My wife on the sofa and me with a snack, We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).When out in the Web there arose such a clatter, I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.To a new page my Mac flew like a flash, Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash! I gasped at the thought and started to grouse, Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.When what to my wondering eyes should appear, My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.When the image resolved, so bright and so quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick! More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came, Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name;"Now Compaq! Now more...

A guy goes into a bar and says, "Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts!" The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer.
The guy drinks it fast. "Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts!"
The barman looks at the guy oddly but hands another beer to the guy.
The guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!"
The barman hands him another beer, with a frown on his face, but hands it over reluctantly.
Again, the guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!"
The barman replies, "Look pal, exactly what trouble are you talking about?"
"I haven't got any money!"

A gorgeous young woman decided she wanted to get rich quick, so she came up with a plan. She proceeded to find herself a wealthy old man and planned to screw him to death on their wedding night.
The courtship and wedding went off without any problems, even with the more than half-a-century age difference.
On the first night of their honeymoon, she got undressed and waited for him to come out of the bathroom and join her in bed. However, when he did emerge, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.
Fearful that her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"
The old man replied, "There are two things I can't stand... the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"

A guy goes into a bar and says, "Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts!" The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer.The guy drinks it fast. "Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts!"The barman looks at the guy oddly but hands another beer to the guy.The guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!"The barman hands him another beer, with a frown on his face, but hands it over reluctantly.Again, the guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!"The barman replies, "Look pal, exactly what trouble are you talking about?""I haven't got any money!"