Quickly Jokes / Recent Jokes

1689--Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp.
1691--Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew abandons him.
1692--Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.
1703--Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp, half-buried but still intact.
1704--Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts, and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base.
1705--Claus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company.
1716--After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded with polar artifacts, as more...

This guy walks in to a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands it to him, and pushes over a bowl of peanuts. The man is having a sip of his beer when he hears a tiny voice say "nice tie." He quickly looks around but sees nothing.

He takes another sip when he hears "nice hat too." He quickly puts down the beer, but there's no one around, so he asks the bartender, "I keep hearing a tiny voice saying nice things, whats going on?"

The bartender nods understandingly and says, "Oh, its the peanuts, they're complimentary."

A Networkologist's Christmas
"'Tis the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown. I was stuck at the office. The network was down. The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed. Their tables had holes in their data. All trashed.
Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun, Had erased DLLs Windows needed to run On 84 desktops way down in accounting. I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting.
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter, I saw that a server had something the matter. There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive. "No problem," I thought. "I'm set up with RAID
5."
But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable! "No problem," I thought. "I've tape backup to thank." And then I discovered my backups were blank.
The UPS burped, and its lights all went out. I started to scream! I started to shout! But nobody more...

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?" "Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters." "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days." The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?" "Well miss, I just saw both of your garters." Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks." Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she more...

A Networkologist's Christmas"'Tis the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown. I was stuck at the office. The network was down. The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed. Their tables had holes in their data. All trashed.Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun, Had erased DLLs Windows needed to run On 84 desktops way down in accounting. I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting.When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter, I saw that a server had something the matter. There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive. "No problem," I thought. "I'm set up with RAID5."But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable! "No problem," I thought. "I've tape backup to thank." And then I discovered my backups were blank.The UPS burped, and its lights all went out. I started to scream! I started to shout! But nobody heard as I vented my rage. My more...

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can`t solve." Three months down the track there is major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook. About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds. Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes”

One night a blonde was driveing in her car and saw a stranger on the road. She stoped and asked if she could help. The dark stranger replied to her "Yes you can get out of your car and stand in the box I have drawn on the road and dont move from it." so she did. He told her that if she moved there would be dier consequinces. So he turned from her. All of a sudden she started laughing. He turned to her quickly. Then knocked out her windows and replied "I told you so." then turned agian. Not one minute after he turned she was laughing agian. So he riped out the seat cloth and replied "I told you so" then turned agian. all of a sudden she begain to laugh agian. he quickly turned to her then blew up her car and replied "I told you so" then turned once more. she then laughed agian. He turned to her frustratedly and asked "Why are you laughing, I just blew up your car?" then she said "I steped out of the box while you wasnt looking.