Quickly Jokes / Recent Jokes

An engineer died and was mistakenly sent to hell. Fairly quickly, he had redesigned the place. Hell cooled down considerably thanks to the air conditioning he built and installed. The escalators and elevators worked just fine. Manual labor was quickly becoming a thing of the past.

God looked down one day and noticed all the changes. He called down to the devil to ask how these improvements came about.

The devil replied, "That engineer you sent me."

"What engineer? You're not supposed to have an engineer. Send him back up here!"

The devil's answer was simple... "No."

"If you don't send that engineer back right now, I'm going to be very angry. In fact, I'll sue you!"

The devil replies, "And. . . where are you going to get a lawyer?"

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Bobby?""Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.""Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?""Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters."Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, and tells him - "I don't want to see you for three weeks!"Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. more...

An Army Sergeant and a Marine Sergeant were training together at Little Creek Naval Amphibious Base. The Army Sergeant suddenly gets the urge and makes a run for the latrine. THe Marine Sergeant then feels he had a little to much to drink also and follows the Army Sergeant into the latrine. The Army Sergeant quickly finishes up and walks straight outside. The Marine Sergeant sees this and gets pissed off. He quickly washes his hands and races out to find the Army Sergeant. “Hey, ” he says, ”in the Marines, the teach us to wash our hands after we go to the head. ”
The Army Sergeant looks at him and replies, ”In the army, they teach us not to piss on our hands. ”
My
Ass
Rides
In
Naval
Equipment

Muscles
Are
Required
Intelligence
Never
Existed

Never
Again
Volunteer
Yourself

Aint
Ready for
Marines
Yet

A man was tired of the city life so he decided to move way out in the country where he would have all the room and privacy that he needed. His house was at least 35 miles from everything and everyone. No one ever came to visit and he never went to visit anyone. After about the sixth month at his new home, he began to get a little lonesome and wondered if he'd really made the right move.
That evening while he sat in his rocking chair on his front porch, he noticed someone walking along his long, secluded driveway towards his house. He quickly approached the strange man and asked what he needed.
The stranger stated that he was a neighbor that lived just beyond the far hill and that he was having a party that night and would like to invite him. The man quickly accepted the neighbors offer and was relived to finally have some company. Before the neighbor left, he told the man, "You better let me warn you about something. At this party, there's probably going to be some more...

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with five whiskey shots, and make 'em doubles."
The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all five are gone almost as quickly as they were served.
Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doin' all this drinking.
"You'd drink 'em this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with five whiskey shots, and make 'em doubles."
The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all five are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doin' all this drinking.
"You'd drink 'em this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I only have a dollar."

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."