Radio Jokes / Recent Jokes

[Heard this one on the Howard Stern Radio Show.]
Have you heard about the new radio station? It is called WPMS.
They have an interesting format:
Three weeks of blues, followed by one week of ragtime.

body: A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working. "Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want."
She drove out, amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said "Nelson." The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?" Soon, she was speeding down the highway to the sounds of "On the Road Again."
The lady was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it. Suddenly, at a traffic light, her light turned green and she pulled out.
Off to her right, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a small sport utility vehicle speeding toward her. She swerved and narrowly missed a head-on collision. "ASSHOLE," she muttered.
And, from the radio... "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United more...

Note: This is an extract of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

INTERVIEWER: " So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."

INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! that's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."

INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how,. ... we will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm."

INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
GENERAL more...

Q: Did you hear Princess Diana was on the radio?
A: Yep, and on the window, and on the dashboard...

Q: Did you hear Princess Diana was on the radio? A: Yep, and on the window, and on the dashboard...

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson's Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: "Sir, I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself." "By shooting?" reasked the company commander, "Not a bad idea! But take as many cartridges as possible."
When asked what he thought about the new squad radio, one Army sergeant told the man from the R&D agency: "This squad radio should be replaced with a good whistle."
Little grandson asked: "Granddaddy, when you were in the Army and were posted as sentry at night, were you afraid?" "I was, grand sonny, but only until I fell asleep."