Radio Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee; the letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to all human kind. Read it, soak it in, and bask in the warm feeling that it leaves you with.

Dear Reyer School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it, no matter how often or sweetly I asked. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful. She was very upset.

She then asked if she could listen to mine, and I said fuck you.

Sincerely,

Edna Johnston

A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.

Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations Friendly fire - isn't. Recoilless rifles - aren't. Suppressive fires - won't. You are not Superman Marines and fighter pilots take note. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. Try to look unimportant the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you. If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready + when you're not. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact. There is no such thing as a perfect plan. Five second fuzes always burn three seconds. There is more...

What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking -- "Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too." Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly." Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person? Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel." Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go more...

The band at Ellsworth Air Force Base, South Dakota, was required to play for all generals who arrived on base. One morning, when the commanding officer heard on the radio that a General Frost was expected just after noon, he sent the band scrambling to the flight line with instruments.One of the musicians had also heard the radio announcement. He took the C.O. aside for a whispered conference. When they returned, the officer told us the performance was canceled.There was no arriving general. We had almost played for the weather forecast.

Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately, and then you
hit them several times with a sledgehammer.
Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you
wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.
You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom.
You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you
mail from Iowa asking why you never write.
Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to relieve
yourself on it.
You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward off evil
dandruff spirits.
You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting
fire to his lawn decorations.
Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.
People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.
Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.
You laugh out loud during more...

Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.