Railroad Jokes / Recent Jokes

Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air.
He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound. So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound.
The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound.
He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole. He listened, but there was no sound.
He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up. The man asked him, “How deep is this hole? ” The farmer said, “Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends. Say, have you seen my prize goat? ”
The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, “No. ” The farmer said, “Oh well. He can’t more...

When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. You can be legally married by publicly introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times. It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers. It is illegal to milk another person's cow.It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer. The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.Abilene: more...

A fat lady rides the bus to work every day. Today she`s in some discomfort because she has a pain in her lower abdomen. She finally realizes that its just a tremendous build up of gas from something she ate. The bus is quite crowded and she doesn`t know what to do. Then she remembers that pretty soon the bus will run across some railroad tracts and it will rattle and bang and make lots of noise. She will be able to pass this gas and nobody will know. What she doesn`t know is that the bus driver also rides the bus everyday and has grown tired of all the noise the bus makes when it rattles and bangs across the railroad tracts. So last night he stayed after work and had the maintenance crew tighten up all the loose bolts and lubricate all the moving parts to quiet down the old bus. Well, here come the railroad tracts, the fat lady raises up on one cheek and lets it rip. It was one long, loud, juicy sounding fart. The bus didn`t rattle and bang like it usually did and now you could hear a more...

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?
Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on the old long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts. So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by
Imperial Rome for the benefit of their Legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the more...

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across a big deep hole.

"Wow...that looks deep." "Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.

"Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise."

They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One guy gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise."

The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then more...

There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old,
abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble
and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard
nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited.
Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came
upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to
the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat
suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their
faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He
asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said
that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man
replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be *my* goat, mine was tied to a
railroad tie."

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