Railroad Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do railroad tracks and blondes have in common?
They are both laid all over America!

There's a brunette walking down a set of railroad tracks saying,"..." Then a blonde pulls up, gets out of her car, and says, "What are you doing?" The brunette replies, "Just counting." The blonde says, "May I join you?" "Yes," replies the brunette. So the blonde and the brunette are now both walking down the railroad tracks saying,". .." A train comes and the brunette jumps off the tracks as the blonde gets hit. After the train passes, the brunette gets back on the tracks and says,"22, 22, 22..."

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.
A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special more...

A wealthy chinaman suspected his wife of being unfaithful to him and hired a prominent chinese detective to watch his wife; the following is his report:
DETECTIVE'S REPORT
You leave house
I watch house
Man come to house
Man ring door bell
Wife open door
Man go in house
Man and your wife leave house
They go railroad station
I go railroad station
They go on train
I go on train
They get off train
I get off train
They go to hotel
I go to hotel
They go inside
I no go inside
I climb tree outside window
He undress she
She undress he
He play with she
She play with he
I play with me
I fall out of tree
I no see

There's a brunette walking down a set of railroad tracks saying,"..." Then a blonde pulls up, gets out of her car, and says, "What are you doing?" The brunette replies, "Just counting." The blonde says, "May I join you?" "Yes," replies the brunette. So the blonde and the brunette are now both walking down the railroad tracks saying,"..." A train comes and the brunette jumps off the tracks as the blonde gets hit. After the train passes, the brunette gets back on the tracks and says,"22, 22, 22..."

Hello, this is the Yardmaster's Office, Valsetz and Siletz railroad (an actual railroad in Oregon). There is an emergency condition right now due to the landslide. Therefore please be advised of the following. (Another 30 seconds of talking, all of which is drowned out by a passing train.)

A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course they are curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom.

They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once again hear nothing. They decide they need something larger and search the farm yard for a larger object.

After much struggle, they manage to drag a large railroad tie to the edge of the well and drop it over the edge. After several seconds, a goat tears across the yard and without any hesitation, dives head first into the open hole.

The two tourists stand in amazement. About then a farmer appears and tells them he is looking for a lost goat.

The tourists tell the farmer about the goat diving into the well.

"That couldnt be my goat", the farmer replies, "My goat was grazing in the field roped to a railroad tie!"