Rancher Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and meets a Kerry farmer. The Texan says: "Takes me a whole day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other." The Kerry farmer says:"Ah sure, I know, sir. We have tractors like that over here too."

A Cowboy said to a Rancher,' Is that your dog?'

The Rancher replied,' Yup.'

'Mind if I talk to him?'

'Durn fool, don't you know dogs don't talk?'

The Cowboy replied,' So what's the harm? May I?'

'Go right ahead.' The Cowboy said to the dog,' Howdy!'

The dog replied,' Hello.' The Rancher's eyes pop wide.

The Cowboy continued,' Is this your master?'

'Yep, he sure is.'

'Does he treat you alright?'

'Sure does. Every day he takes me for a walk, he feeds me all kinds of great food, and once a week he takes me to the lake to play.' Rancher was dumbfounded.

The Cowboy said to the Rancher,' Is that your horse over there?'

'Yes.'

'Do you mind if I talk to him?'

The Rancher replied,' I know the dog spoke to you, but I know for a fact that horses can't talk.'

'Well, then what would it hurt?'

'Go right ahead.'

The more...

A guy calls a buddy, who is a horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.
The horse rancher asks "How will I recognize him?"
That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."
The midget goes there, and the rancher asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
"A female horth."
He shows him a prized filly.
"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
The rancher picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?
He picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?
The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the more...

An Irishman, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help. A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?" The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water. A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again. As before, the black guy explained the s ituation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why more...

A rancher from Central Arizona died and went on to the Great Beyond. As heapproached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with nogreenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, "Howdy Saint Peter. Say, thislooks just like Arizona." "The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm notSaint Peter...and second, you really don't know where you are at all, do you?"

A Polak, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.
A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?"
The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.
A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.
As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and more...

Mike and Bill, are hanging out in the lone bar in a one-horse town in northern Idaho, when a local rancher walks in carrying a wolf pelt. "Good work!" says the bartender. He pops the cash register open, pulls out a wad of bills, and counts them out into the rancher's outstretched hand. After the rancher leaves, Mike asks the bartender, "What was that all about?" The barkeep says, "Haven't you boys heard? We got us a real wolf problem in these parts, and the county ain't done a thing about it. Why, just last week, a pack of the damn varmints came onto my property and laid waste t'my chicken coop. Ol' Man Miller down the road even lost four of his cattle to the bloodthirsty beasts! They're vicious, and they got no fear - and they gotta be stopped. So I'm offerin' a bounty - a hundred dollars to anybody who brings in a wolf pelt." Mike and Bill look at each other, and immediately race out of the bar to go hunt wolves. After wandering around the hills for more...