Rancher Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Irishman, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.
A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?"
The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.
A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.
As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry more...

A lawyer was duck hunting in Montana recently, when he attempted to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a duck he had shot. The rancher suddenly pulled up in his pick-up truck, jumped out, and asked the lawyer what he was doing on his property.
"Retrieving this duck that I just shot", he replied.
"That duck is on my side of the fence, so now it's mine," replied the rancher.
The lawyer asked the rancher if he knew who he was talking to. "No", replied the rancher, "I don't know, and I don't care."
"I am a high priced attorney with a practice in New York. And if you don't let me get that duck, I can sue you for your ranch, your truck, your cattle, and everything else you own. I'll leave you penniless on the street."
"Well," said the rancher, "In Montana the only law we go by is the ‘3 kicks law'."
"Never heard of it", said the lawyer.
The rancher said, "I get to kick you more...

An aging cattle-rancher bought a bull at a livestock auction. When he got it to the ranch house, he noticed that it was cross-eyed. Very upset that he'd received damaged goods, he called a veterinary optometrist to come out and look at his new bull's cross-eyes.
The optometrist checked out the bull's eyes, then proceeded to go to his truck for a 10 foot section of plastic hose and an air compressor. He cranked up the air compressor and hooked the hose to it, then inserted about 2 feet of the other end of the hose into the bull's colon. He then shot a highly charged spray of air into the hose, causing the bull to literally jump off the ground. He then walked around to the front of the bull and said, "Well, that takes care of his cross-eyes. They're normal now." He then handed the rancher a vet bill for $1,000.
The rancher was extremely disturbed by the $1,000 vet bill. He said, "My God, you spent all of 10 minutes with the bull and all you did was blow some air more...