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In 2005, Houston saw a 23% increase in its murder rate. "Actually," said Houston's police chief, "I prefer to think of it as a decrease in the attempted murder rate. By 23 percent."

A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens.""What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff."I don't care, just do something about those drivers!"So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said:SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSINGThree days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster."So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAYAnd that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the more...

A retiring Phys Chem professor was setting his last exam, for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored with it all, and with a well-kept and wry sense of humor, he set a single question on the sheet: "Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support your answer with proof."
He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to his query. One A was awarded. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. The top student however wrote the following:
First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look more...

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy. Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large more...

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer.
I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: (swallowing)
Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is more...

AOL announced another rate increase today moving the ulimited access rate up too $23.90/month. Thought this joke was appropriate to celebrate the occassion. 1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer. 2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player. 3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later... and later... and later... and oh forget it. 4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars. 5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model. 6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason. 7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots of pretty colors and lights. 8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members. 9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make more...

Enlightenment Quiz
1. Yin and... A) Yout B) Tonic C) Yenta D) Yang
2. A Zen koan is... > A) A Jewish Buddhist B) All of the above C) None of the above D) None of the above
3. Just before total God-realization I would see... > A) A blue pearl B) Nothing C) Everything D) How would I know?
4. Lao-Tsu is... A) Shrimp with fried rice B) The Atman Brothers C) A Japanese word for sneeze D) Someone you should know about
5) Jivatman and Atman merge to become... A) Jivatmanatman B) The Atman Brothers C) Jivatman & Atman Inc. D) Mr. & Mrs. Atman
6) The word or words which best describes the relationship of God, Guru, and Self is:- A) Oneness B) Twoness C) Penpalness D) Just good friends
7) Which of the following is not a name of the Lord?> A) Jehova B) Elohim C) Yahweh D) Charlton Heston
8) If you swap a Swami with a Yogi you get... A) A Swogi B) A Salami C) Yogurt D) Heartburn
9) Carlos Castaneda is: A) A flamenco dancer B) A resort near San Juan C) A mystery more...