Reach Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two nuns went out of their convent for a walk. One of them is
known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known
as Sister Logical (SL). It was getting dark and they were still
far away from the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the
past half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the
most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one
minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way
and I'll go this way. He cannot follows us both. So the man
decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried more...
Two nuns, one known for her skill in math (M) and the other known for her skill in logic (L), were walking one dark night far from the convent when they noticed a man following them. M: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
L: It`s logical. He wants to rape us.
M: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
L: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
M: It`s not working.
L: Of course it`s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
M: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
L: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I`ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow the logical sister. The mathematical sister arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to her fellow nun. Then the logical more...
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. ”
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. ” The head stewardesses doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to more...
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they findthat they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off thelights because they cant see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why dont we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you dont want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you dont want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis...... fifty times"
How to reach a deal
Morris and Bernard met in a restaurant for a business lunch.
Morris said, "I have a good deal for you, Bernard. When I was in London Zoo recently, I happened to pick up an elephant they didn’t need any more. I could let you have it for three thousand pounds."
Bernard sipped his gin and tonic and said, "Morris, what am I going to do with an elephant? I live in a third floor flat. I barely have room for my furniture. I can`t even squeeze in a card table. So you think I`m going to buy an elephant?"
Morris said, "I could let you have three of them for two grand."
"Aha," said Bernard, "now you`re talking!"
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?... "I'm four and a half "....You're never 36 and a half....you're four and a half going on five!
That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16.
And then the greatest day of your life happens....you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony....you BECOME 21...YES!!!
But then you turn 30....ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk....He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now.
What's wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40... stay over there, it's all slipping away...
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50... and your dreams are more...