Reach Jokes / Recent Jokes

Do you realize the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?"
"I'm four and a half!"
You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back.
You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?"
"I'm gonna be 16!"
You could be 13, but hey, you are going to be 16.And then the greatest day of your life...you become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony...
YOU BECOME 21YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling.What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30... then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away!!! more...

A priest was walking down the street when he saw a little boy on the front porch of a house trying to reach the doorbell.
The little fellow was standing on his tip toes and jumping up and down, but still he couldn't reach the bell. The priest walked over to him and asked, "Do you need some help?"
"Yes, please," replied the boy. So, the priest rang the doorbell and then said, "What now?"
"Run!!!" shouted the little boy.

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times"

Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to have his way with us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster.
SM: It is not working.
SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow both of us.
So the man decided to go after Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the more...

SAFETY INSTRUCTIONS. READ AND SAVE THESE INSTRUCTIONS.
WARNING: The following basic safety precautions should always be followed to reduce the risk of fire, shock and personal injury.
Check the voltage on the nameplate.
Implies check the face to see if all is OK
Keep the work place clean.
Which means, ensure there are no knifes, blades or other objects within reach. These invite injuries to the tool (e.g Bobbitization), or to the personnel.
Consider the work environment.
Keep the area well lit (Unfortunately 90% of the time tool is used in dark)
Keep children away.
Before operating the tool make sure that the children are fast asleep.
Store the tool.
When not in use, store the tool in a dry place away from children's reach.
Do not force the tool.
The tool will do its job better and safer at a rate for which it is intended. Do not overwork the tool.
Use the right tool.
When the job is big and the tool is small then change the more...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical more...

There were two nuns...One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.SM: It's not working.SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.Then Sister Logical arrives.SM: Sister Logical! Thank God more...