Reach Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica".
The stewardess gets the Head Stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she again responds "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica".
The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot.
The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section.
The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica".

A great standup routine which somone typed up!

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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half."

You're never 36 and a half....you're four and a half going on 5. You get into your teens; now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number.

"How old are you?"

"I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. Eventually.

Then the great day of your life; you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony You BECOME 21....Yes!!!!!

Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. What's wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21; you TURN 30.

Then you're PUSHING 40....stay over more...

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer you will be able to find out where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely fictional situation, in which you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be completely honest and spontaneous. From the gut.
Please scroll down slowly and consider the scenario carefully. This is important for the test to work accurately.
You're a freelance photographer in Florida. You are caught in a great disaster. A hurricane has caused great chaos and severe flooding. There are huge masses of water swirling around you but you somehow manage to crawl to safety on the roof of a building. The situation is nearly horrifying. But you're trying to shoot some photographs of what you see.
There are houses and people being swept away by the raging waters, certainly to be swallowed up forever. Nature is showing all its destructive power, claiming everything more...

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language.
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signsback to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time."
"If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 100 times"

There was this fly hovering about 8 inches above the surface of the river, but unbeknown to the fly, just below the surface of the river there was this salmon looking up at the fly thinking, 'If that fly was to come just six inches lower I would leap out of this water and have it for my tea.' But unbeknown to the fish, there was this bear watching it, thinking, 'If that fly was to come just six inches lower, that fish would leap out of the water and take it for its tea, and I could reach out and take that fish for my tea.' But unbeknown to the bear, in the bushes was a hunter with his gun thinking, 'If that fly was to come just six inches lower, that fish would leap out of the water and take it for its tea, that bear would reach out and take that fish for its tea, and I could lean forward with my gun and shoot that bear.' But, unbeknown to the hunter, there was this mouse thinking, 'If that fly was to come just six inches lower, that fish would leap out of the water and take it for more...

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding -glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)
II. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.
III. Use the element of surprise. Pick more...

A deaf couple married and found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out, since they couldn't see each other signing or lips to lip-read.
After numerous nights of fumbling around the wife decided she had a solution. "Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For example, if you want to have sex at night, squeeze my left breast once, if you don't, then reach over and squeeze my right breast twice."
Thinking it over, the husband agreed that it sounded like a great idea. He then suggested to his wife, "If you want to have sex at night, reach over and pull my penis once. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my penis two hundred times."