Reading Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men met at a restaurent after a long time and were discussing about evrything, basically what happened since last time they were together in the university.
Huh, I had a terrible time, my wife gave birth to twins and I noticed she was reading a book on twins sometime ago said the first man. Its strange my wife gave birth to triplets and I saw her reading the book Three Musketeers said the second man.
Third man got up immedietly and started running the moment he heared these two telling about their experiences. Why are you running asked the surprised two men. My wife is pregnent and I saw her reading " ALI BABA AND THE FORTY THIEVES" said the third man.

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man." "Wow," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a
priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red
lipstick,
and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the
disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes
arthritis?"
"My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too
much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you
had
arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seatnext to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face wasplastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin wassticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaperand began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turnedto the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?""My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wickedwomen, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man.""Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man andapologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong.How long have you had arthritis?""I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Whats dumb? directions on toliet paper. Whats dumber? reading them. Whats dumber than that? reading them and learning something. Whats dumbest of all? reading and having to correct what you did wrong!

She stops reading Glamour and starts reading Guns and Ammo. She considers chocolate a major FDA food group. She puts on one of those pads with "wings," then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding a broom. She's developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles. She retains more water than Lake Superior. She denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semiautomatic and "chambers one." She buys you a new T-shirt-----with a bulls-eye on the front. You ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says,"All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?" She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm. She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, and then mauls the manager because they're out of Diet Coke.

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, youre so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."