Reading Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was commuting from the Borough of Queens to my job in Manhattan. I'd finished reading the morning paper and was saving it to bring to friends on the job. How do you save a newspaper on the subway?
You sit on it. A new commuter came in, saw the newspaper under my rear and asked the second most stupid question I've ever heard: "Are you reading that paper?"
I stood up, turned the page, sat down on the paper and answered, "Yes."

...there's a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?...you buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?...there's a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?...you're reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?...you tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it'll magically open for them and not you....someone says, "well, to make a long story short" and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes....a friend or family member says "Yuck! This is awful!!" and then tells you to try some....you have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just looking around....you rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out....a waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you more...

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag)?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)?
A: "'Debbie'... that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"
"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

A library is a somewhat easy place to annoy the people sitting around you, but for those of you with less then stellar creativity, we have made a list of things you can do...1. Read out loud. Very loud. And slowly.2. While pointing to a very simple word, like 'the', ask the person next to you if he/she can pronounce it for you.3. While looking at your book, turn so you're facing the person. Then, peer over the top of your book, and say "PEEKABOO!!"4. Put down you book, and look over and start reading the other persons book, and, either 1) say "Ooo. Nice book." or 2) when he/she looks at you, quickly pick up your book and act like your reading it.5. Suddenly look over at him/her, and say, "You're one of THEM!"6. Put down you book, and look at him/her. When they says something like "what?", cut them off by saying "Are you accusing me of something?"7. Read your book. Upside down.8. Read your book from right to left. And flip the pages the more...