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At 85 years of age, a somewhat senile Morris marries Luanne, a lovely 25-year-old.Because her new husband is so old, Luanne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.After the wedding festivities, Luanne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door.Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of Luanne, and she prepares to go to sleep.After a few minutes, Luanne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Luanne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Luanne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves. Luanne is set to go to sleep again.However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock more...

At 85 years of age, Wally married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more "action". Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Wally is back again, rapping more...

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One`s a brunette, one`s a redhead, and one`s a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks, if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . " Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . " The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks, if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready. . . Aim. . . " The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?," he says." That's cool" says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds "why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it." Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby - so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it." Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with more...

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this week-end and my fiancée thinks I'm a virgin, is there anything you can do to help me"?
After the doctor stopped laughing, he says, " Medically, no but here's something you can try....on the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take a elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh, when your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."
The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby - to - be will fall for this.
They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her legs, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.
Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in" she snaps the elastic band, and hubby asks, "what the *@#% was that?
The wife explains, "oh nothing honey, more...

The captain of a ship hears his first mate calling from above deck, "captain, there is a pirate ship off the starboard side!" The captain takes the looking glass, sees the ship, and tells the first mate, "ready the cannons and swords, prepare the men for battle, and bring me my red shirt". "Aye, aye captain," says the first mate, and carrys out the orders.
The men fight bravely, and after a long battle, defeat the pirates. The first mate asks the captain, "Well done sir, but why did you need the red shirt?" to which the captain replied "if I was wounded, I didn't want the men to see the blood and become disheartened, and so, lose the battle".
The next day, the captain hears his first mate calling from above deck "captain, there are ten pirate ships off the starboard side!" The captain takes the looking glass, sees the ships, and tells the first mate, "ready the cannons and swords, prepare the men for battle, and more...

The String And Octopus Guide To Parenthood by Colin BowlesPreparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father. 1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans. Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local pharmacy, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time. 2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest more...