Reagan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many Kennedy assassination conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 15--One to screw it in, five to say he acted alone, one to say that someone hidden in the ceiling helped, one to film it, one to do an intense examination of the film and conclude that a) it was tampered with and b) it proves that the first screwer did not act alone, one to insist that the bulb was altered after it was unscrewed, three tramps to walk across the room an hour later, one to insist LBJ really screwed the bulb in, and one to accuse all the others of being disinformation specialists.

Q: How many aides does it take to change President Reagan's light bulb?
A: None, they like to keep him in the dark.

Q: How many Reagans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What light bulb?
Note: Topical to Reagan's apparent poor memory.

Q: How many Reaganists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Ten: One to deny that the bulb is burned more...

I heard this joke from a Czech explaining how the new leadership in
Czechoslovakia was selected. I have modified this for an American
audience.
Everyone wondered how Reagan picked Bush for VP in the first place.
Well, this is the story: Reagan knew he had to make a choice; so
he asked Nancy how he should do this. Nancy told him that he should
ask the potential candidates a riddle and see how they do. She gave
Reagan a riddle to use.
So, the next day, Reagan goes to Bush and says, "Who is it who is your
father's son, but not your brother?" Bush replies, "Golly gee, Mr. Reagan,
That's difficult. I'll need to go and think about that one for a while."
In the evening Bush returns and happily shouts, "I got it, Ron! I figured
it out! It's me! It's me!"
Reagan than goes and presents the same riddle to one of the others
(maybe Connelly, maybe Ford) and says, "Who is it who is your father's
son, but more...

Jimmie Carter, Ronald Reagan, Geroge Bush and Bill Clinton stood in
front of the Great OZ.
Carter steps forward.
OZ: What would you like today?
Carter: I would like courage.
With a great puff of smoke, Carter was given the courage to tackle any
problem.
Reagan steped forward.
OZ: What would you like?
Reagan: I would like some brains.
With a great puff of smoke, Reagan was given the brains to solve and
remember many great problems of the day.
George Bush was next.
OZ: And for you?
Bush: I would like some heart.
The puff of smoke came and went, Bush gushed with heart and compassion
for his fellow man.
Clintion was left.
OZ: And last but least, What would you like?
Bill looked to the left and then to right and whispers, "Dorothy around?"

One morning, President Reagan woke up to a beautiful snowy noon. He
looked out of his window upon the snow-covered White House lawn and
marveled at its beauty. Then he noticed something. Yellow lines in
the snow. On further investigation, our President realized that the
lines spelled out "Reagan Sucks" in urine. Furious, he called the
Washington, DC police and demanded to know who had inscribed these
blasphemous words on his lawn. After a lengthy investigation, the
police found no clues.
Later that afternoon, after a brief snowfall, the president awoke
again to find the same words once more decorating the new-fallen
snow. This time, President Ron called the FBI and ordered them to
find out who was responsible. The FBI too mounted a massive
investigation, but were only able to determine that no intruder had
access to the White House lawn and therefore the perpetrator had to
be someone on his own staff.
When the next more...

New York, NY - September 2004

6: 00 PM - Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell

6: 30 PM - Pledge of Allegiance

6: 35 PM - Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)

6: 45 PM - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing

6: 46 PM - Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on “Are Elections Really Necessary? ”

7: 30 PM - Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan

7: 35 PM - Trent Lott: “Re-segregation in the 21st Century”

7: 40 PM - EPA Address #1: Mercury: It’s What’s for Dinner

8: 00 PM - Vote on which country to invade next

8: 10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8: 15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children

8: 30 PM - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)

8: 50 PM - Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future

9: 00 PM - Condi Rice sings more...