Reagan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Quotes from D. C. Mayor Marion Barry
" The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" Bitch set me up."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is more...

Our three past and our current presidents found themselves following the famous Yellow Brick Road, on their way to meet The Wizard. They were all missing just a little something and figured The Wizard could help them.
They meet The Wizard and he asks each in turn what they need.
" Well", Jimmy Carter says, " I could use some courage."
" No problem," says The Wizard, and Carter gets his courage, no questions asked.
" What about you, Mr. Reagan?", The Wizard asks.
" If I only had a brain," Mr. Reagan replies, and voila, Mr. Reagan has his brain.
George Bush is next. "People tell me I could use a heart," he pleads, and The Wizard grants Mr. Bush his wish.
" Tell me, Mr. Clinton, what do you most want?", asks The Wizard. Mr. Clinton doesn't hesitate.
"Is Dorothy around?"

Up to 80,000 items of memorabilia are missing from the Reagan Library.

Wanna bet they turn up in O.J. Simpson's library.

"I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job" -George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign
"This is a great day for France!" -Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral
"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'" -George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students
"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex... uh... setbacks." -George Bush
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change." -Dan Quayle
"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here." more...

Did you here about the new tractor Reagan designed for farmers?
It has no seat or steering wheel.
It's meant for the farmer that lost his ass and doesn't know
which direction he's going.
Wendell Wilcox

(Well, since there seems to be a plethora of Soviet jokes anyway...
This one was told to me by a Russian.)
It seems that Reagan and Gorbachev arranged a competition to determine
whose nation had the bravest troops. The two leaders arrived, at the
designated hour, on a plateau in Finland high above the water. Each
was accompanied by a battalion of crack troops, smartly uniformed.
The leaders shook hands.
Reagan went first. He addressed his battalion of Marines:
"Private Jones! Front and center."
Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the front of the ranks,
facing his commander.
"Private Jones! March to the edge of the cliff."
Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the very edge of the cliff.
"Private Jones! Jump!"
Jones just stood there, unmoving.
"Private Jones! I said jump!"
The man's knees started to shake, but he was otherwise more...

I read this in one of the usenet news groups (misc.news.southasia).
According to US Ambassador to India Frank Wisner, an Indian told
the US embassy he wanted a visa in time for former president
Ronald Reagan's funeral.
"Somewhat taken aback, our consular officer advised the applicant
that Mr. Reagan is still very much alive," Wisner said.
"I'm aware of that," came the reply. "I would rather wait there
than here," the Indian told the visa officer.
Wisner did not say whether the man eventually got the US visa, an
elusive document coveted by most traveling Indians.