Real Jokes / Recent Jokes

How does a real man know whenever his girlfriend is having an orgasm?
A real man doesn't care.

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2) You now think of three espressos as ''getting wasted.''
3) You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
4) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
5) You email your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back, ''What's for dinner?''
6) Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
7) You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
8) You didn't give your wife a Valentine's card this year, but you posted one for your email buddies via a Web page.
9) Your daughter just bought CDs of all the worst records your college roommate used to play.
10) Every commercial on television has a web site address at the bottom of the screen.
11) You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date. And now sells for half the price you more...

How does a real man know whenever his girlfriend is having an orgasm? A real man doesn't care.

A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the
piece of land he had sold was completely under water.
“That customer's going to come back here pretty mad, ” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back? ”
“Money back? ” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat. ”

1. You take more pride in your number of stars than you do your GPA.2. You find yourself calling your friends at school "Rufio" and "pandapooky".3. You refer to yourself in real life as your YT name.4. When someone asks a lot of questions to you, you say, "You're a real Falconwing!"5. You are Falconwing.6. You buy a YT t-shirt.7. You buy 1000 YT t-shirts and give them away to your school/workplace.8. You write a newspaper article or report on Buddy.9. Your closest friends have names like jesusfreek and envethis.10.You refer to buddy as your god.

A Letter From Barbie
*** Chief Executive Officer Mattel, Inc. El Segundo, CA
Dear Sir,
Listen you little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this year, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it).
So, here's my resolution/wish list:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like more...

Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold a real Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope... not these days... I'm only giving out 1 wish because of inflation. So... what'll be?" Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other." The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Are you crazy! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but I'm not THAT good. I don't think it can be done. So make another wish." Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like my wife. They think she's a real witch and ugly as sin. I wish for her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and I want everybody to like her. That's what I want!"The Genie thought for a minute and said, "Hmmmmm. Lemme see that more...