Really Jokes / Recent Jokes

A white guy is being shipped off to Jamaica for a year with the army. His fiance, Wendy, is really worried about her man being unfaithful, so she asks him to tattoo her name to his penis...He agrees, and does so.When his penis isn't erect you can see the letters W and Y. The woman feeling secure knowing that her name is tattooed on her man's penis says good-bye to her fiance and he leaves for Jamaica.One day, while in Jamaica, the guy is at the urinal and a black Jamaican comes and stands at the urinal next to him... The white guy happens to notice that the Jamaican also has a tattoo on his penis and he could see the letters W and Y, so he says to the Jamaican, "Wow, that's really interesting, I guess you have a girlfriend named Wendy too?"And the Jamaican looks at him with a puzzled look and then stretches out his penis and it says..."Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day!"

Two men who are out walking their dogs meet on a streetcorner.
One says to the other, "Boy it sure is hot today. I'd really like to go into the bar and get a beer, but the sign on the front door says, 'No Pets Allowed,' and I can't leave Fido alone on the street."
The other man replies, "No problem, just stand by the door and watch me, and you'll be having that beer real soon!"
The second man reaches into his pocket and puts on a pair of dark sunglasses, and then walks into the bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The man says, "But I'm blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!"
The bartender says, "Oh, OK then." The man drinks his beer and leaves.
The first man then puts on dark sunglasses and goes into the bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The man says, "But I'm blind, and this is my seeing-eye more...

A guy decides that he'd like to have a pet. While looking around in the pet shop, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch but it doesn't have any feet or legs. "Geez, I wonder what happened to this poor parrot," the guy says out loud.
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha," the guy laughs, "It sounded like the parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understood every single word," the parrot says. "I'm a highly intelligent, very well educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"This is a little embarrassing, but since you asked I'll tell you," the parrot whispers. "I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really more...

T'was the night before Christmas, in Texas, you know.
Way out on the prairie, without any snow.
Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue,
A dreamin' of Christmas, like me and you.
Not stockings, but boots, at the foot of their bed,
For this was Texas, what more need be said,
When all of a sudden, from out of the still night,
There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright.
And I saw 'cross the prairie, like a shot from a gun,
A loaded up buckboard, come on at a run,
The driver was "Geein" and "Hawin", with a will,
The horses (not reindeer) he drove with such skill.
"Come on there Buck, Poncho, & Prince, to the right,
There'll be plenty of travelin' for you all tonight."
The driver in Levi's and a shirt that was red,
Had a ten-gallon Stetson on top of his head.
As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight,
With his beard and moustache, so curly and white.
As he burst in the more...

There was a boy named Brandon that went to school one regular school day. He asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no because he was not allowed to go during class, so he had to hold it in. It was the end of the day, and he really had to make a poopie, but all the bus kids had to get inside the bus. Brandon REALLY had to go, so he had no other choice but to poop right where his bus seat was!!! At first, no one had noticed the stench, but a few minutes later THE WHOLE ENTIRE BUS SMELLED LIKE FRESH POOP!!! He was very embarrased, and all the other kids were making fun of him. When the bus stopped at his house, the bus driver had told his mother(who was waiting for him at the doorstep)all about the poop incident. The mother was embarrased, and Brandon never wanted to go to school again(although he did have to)!

100 Reasons It's Good to Be a Woman
1. free drinks
2. free dinners
3. free lunches
4. free movies (you get the point)
5. you can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you're gay
6. you can cry without pretending there's something in your contact
7. you know the truth about whether size matters
8. Speeding ticket? What's that?
9. you can hug your friend without wondering if YOU'RE gay
10. you actually get extra points for sitting on your butt watching sports
11. you don't have to try to laugh louder, deeper and harder than your buddies
12. if you never have a son, it's okay
13. if you do have a son, and he's a lousy athlete, it's still okay
14. if YOU'RE a lousy athlete, you don't have to question your worth as a human being
15. a new lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life
16. in high school, you never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned
17. if you have sex with someone more...

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."And she says, "So have I, love."To which he more...