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The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady.
For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest… and on, and on.
One afternoon an orderly entered the room. “Time to take your temperature, General. ”
After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer.
“Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end. ”
A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for.
The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to more...

A self-important young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. It is one of the fastest and most expensive cars in the world. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops at a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. They cost $100,000."
"That's a lot of money," replies the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 180 miles an hour!" states the young man proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
Just then the light more...

MALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Wind down your car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6. Wind up window
7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to cash machine
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3. Re-start stalled engine
4. Wind down the window
5. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card
6. Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror
7. Attempt to insert card into machine
8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from car
9. Insert card
10. Re-insert card the right way up
11. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
12. Enter PIN
13. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
14. Enter amount of cash required
15. Re-check make-up in more...

There once was a service man who toured the Middle East and married a beautiful little China doll.
He brought her back to the States and they were very happy.
He always enjoyed looking at her rear end and telling her what a beautiful butt she had. Every day it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have." Every night it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have."
Well his birthday was getting close and she wanted to surprise him with a tattoo on her rear end that said, "Beautiful Butt."
So she finds a reputable tattoo artist and explains what she wants. Well the artist asks her to turn around and after a brief pause says, "There is no way I can get "Beautiful Butt" on your tiny little beautiful butt." But I can put a nice "B" on each cheek which will stand for "Beautiful Butt."
A bit disappointed, she agrees and leaves with her B's.
Well the big day arrives more...

If you type these in from the csh (c shell): in Unix you really do get
these responses.
% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
% got a light?
No match.
% sleep with me
bad character
% man: Why did you get a divorce?
man: Too many arguments.
% make 'heads or tails of all this'
Make: Don't know how to make heads or tails of all this. Stop.
% make sense
Make: Don't know how to make sense. Stop.
% make mistake
Make: Don't know how to make mistake. Stop.
% make bottle.open
Make: Don't know how to make bottle.open. Stop.
% (-
(-: Command not found.
% make light
Make: Don't know how to make light. Stop.
% date me
You are not superuser: date not set Thu Aug 25 15:52:30 PDT 1988
% man rear
No manual entry for rear.
% If I had a ) for every dollar Clinton spent, what would I have?
Too many )'s.
% * How would you describe Clinton
*: Ambiguous.
% more...

A computer salesman, a hardware engineer, and a software engineer are driving
in a car together. Suddenly the right rear tire blows out, ahd the car rolls
to a stop. Our three heroes pile out to investigate.
The salesman tsk-tsks sadly. "Time to buy a new car!" he announces.
Says the hardware engineer, "Well, first let's try swapping the front and
rear tires, and see if that fixes it."
Replies the software engineer, "Naw, let's just try driving the car again,
and maybe the problem will go away by itself."
(Blame it on laz@pyramid. He told it to me.)

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady.
For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately.
He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest… and on, and on.
One afternoon an orderly entered the room. “Time to take your temperature, General. ”
After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer.
“Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end. ”
A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for.
The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to more...