"Fun with UNIX" joke

If you type these in from the csh (c shell): in Unix you really do get
these responses.
% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
% got a light?
No match.
% sleep with me
bad character
% man: Why did you get a divorce?
man: Too many arguments.
% make 'heads or tails of all this'
Make: Don't know how to make heads or tails of all this. Stop.
% make sense
Make: Don't know how to make sense. Stop.
% make mistake
Make: Don't know how to make mistake. Stop.
% make bottle.open
Make: Don't know how to make bottle.open. Stop.
% (-
(-: Command not found.
% make light
Make: Don't know how to make light. Stop.
% date me
You are not superuser: date not set Thu Aug 25 15:52:30 PDT 1988
% man rear
No manual entry for rear.
% If I had a ) for every dollar Clinton spent, what would I have?
Too many )'s.
% * How would you describe Clinton
*: Ambiguous.
% %Vice-President
%Vice-President: No such job.
% ls Meese-Ethics
Meese-Ethics not found
% "How would you rate Clinton's senility?
Unmatched ".
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ]. |
% ^How did the^sex change operation go?
Modifier failed.
% who is my match?
No match.
% set i="Democratic_Platform";mkdir $i;chmod 000 $i;ls $i
Democratic_Platform unreadable
% awk "Polly, the ship is sinking"
awk: syntax error near line 1
awk: bailing out near line
% 'thou shalt not commit adultery'
thou shalt not commit adultery: Command not found.