Received Jokes / Recent Jokes

You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"!!! As we aint got no programin experience, this here Virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files on your hard drive, and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thanks for your cooperation.

Telegram received from ex-employee:"Fuck you. I quit. Strong message to follow."

A man was walking along the beach when he spotted a cave. He entered the cave and discovered a magic lamp buried in the sand. Picking it up, he rubbed it and a genie appeared.
"I will grant you three wishes," the genie said, "but I must tell you that anything you wish for, every lawyer in the word will receive double."
"For my first wish, I would like a million dollars," the man said. He got his million and every lawyer received two million.
"For my second wish, I have always wanted a Porche," said the man. He got his Porche and every lawyer received two.
"And, for your third wish?" the genie asked.
Since this was his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it very carefully.
"Well," he said, "I have always wanted to donate a kidney!"

The post office received a letter addressed "To God." Not knowing where to deliver it, they forwarded it to one of the nearby churches.
The pastor read it at the next charity committee meeting:
Dear God,
I hate to bother you, but my family is having it tough right now. The rent is two month's due, my wife is expecting, and my car is broke down. Plus I just lost my job as a night watchman due to sleeping on the job. Please send us 1,000 bucks and I won't bother you again.
The pastor read the name and one of the members recognized it. "He lives right down the street from the church," she said. "This might be a good way to witness to him and show him we care."
The others agreed but the church fund was only to help members. Finally, after much discussion, they decided to pool their resources and give from their own pockets. They came up with 500 bucks, then wrote out a check from the church and sent it to him.
Months passed with no more...

The following is an excerpt from the Wall Street Journal by Jim Carlton.
This was forwarded by P. Wyatt.
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key," "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the
plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining
that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes.
After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem,
it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into
the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes.
A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with more...

woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.When returning to her car she found that she had locked herkeys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter.She didn`t know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car.Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don`t know how to use this."So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was more...

So you think you have troubles? When I got to the building, I found that the hurricane had knocked some bricks off the top. So I rigged up a beam with a pulley at the top of the building and hoisted up a couple of barrels full of bricks. When I had fixed the building, there were a lot of bricks left over. Then I weent to the bottom of the building and cast off the line. Unfortunately, the barrel of bricks was heavier than I was, and before I knew what was happening, the barrel started down, jerking me off the ground.

I decided to hang on and halfway up I met the barrel coming down and received a hard blow on the shoulder. I then continued to the top banging my head against the beam and getting my fingers jammed in the pulley. When the barrel hit the ground it burst its bottom, allowing all the bricks to spill out.

I was now heavier than the barrel and so started down again at high speed. Halfway down I met the barrel coming up and received more injuries to my more...