Receptionist Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy phones a law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer. ” The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week. ” The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer. ” Once again the receptionist replies, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week. ”
The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, “I want to speak to my lawyer. ” “Excuse me sir, ” the receptionist says, “but this is third time I’ve had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling? ” The guy replies, “Because I love hearing it! ”

One of many great lines from the movie:' As Good As It Gets'

Scene: Reception area of a major publishing house. Jack Nicholson is best selling romance novel author Melvin Udall, a rather cranky and quirky old guy who really doesn't like people at all. The cute young blond receptionist sees that she has a chance at last to gush over her favorite author and after a ritual bag of compliments asks:

Receptionist: How *do* you write women so well?

Melvin Udall: Quite simply: I think of men, and I take away reason and accountability.

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the
desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?"
"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come
into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." he said.
"We do not use language like that here", she said. "Please go
outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong
with your ear or whatever."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered. The
receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The
receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your
ear, sir?"
"I can't piss out of it." the man replied.

It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. "Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!"

The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room.

"Where is he?" asked the receptionist.

"He's over there," replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel.

The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment. "It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?"

"The dresser, honey!" screamed the old lady. "Try standing on the dresser!"

There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with a room full of other patients. Here's the way one old guy handled it.

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today? "

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with, the doctor in private."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The more...

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly."Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone."I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered."Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night.""Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again."Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!""I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."