Recites Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Lexus with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Shammos in the shul 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:
"Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver more...

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
"I had a big house built for our mother," the first son said.
"I sent her a Mercedes and a driver," said the second.
"I've got you both beat," said the third, with a grin. "Do you remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? Well, she can't see very well so I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire bible. It took the church elders many years to teach him. Mom only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, mom sent out a letter of thanks to each son:
"Jason, the house you had built for me is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Matthew, I am too old to travel. Most of the time I remain at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And, the driver is terribly more...

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the more...

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting together for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:
"Dear Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is too huge. I live in only one room, but I have to keep the whole house clean!"
"Dear Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay at home most of the time, so I rarely use the more...

A preacher is buying a parrot." Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher." Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him." Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm." "Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?" "I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time more...

There was a muslim and a christian in an aeroplane. The engines and the two decide to jump knowing they may die. anyway the Muslim jumps and as he is falling recites, "Oh Allah please save. Please save me!"
A big blak hand swoops down, picks him up and places him safely on the ground.
the christian sees this and decides to do the same. He recites,"Oh Allah please save. Please save me!"
Again, a big black hand swoops down and safely places him on the ground. Then the christian stands up, dusts himself off and says,"Thank God for that!!"
Then a big black foot comes down and squashes him to death.