Red Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde went into a electronic store and she asked on of the staff how much a tv was. The staff said "sorry we dont sell to blondes." She went home and the next day she came back as a brunette. She asked one of the staff "how much is that tv?" He said "sorry we dont sell to blondes."
She went home. The next day, she came back as a red head and she asked one of the staff "how much is this tv? He said "sorry we dont sell to blondes." She said "I have come back here as a brunette and a red head, how did you know i was a blonde?" He said "I know because that is not a tv, that is a microwave."

A guy worked in an adult book store. One afternoon his friend walked in. The guy said, "Dude, thank goodness you showed up!" "I'm starving, and I need you to watch the counter for me for a few minutes, while I run across the street to get some lunch." The friend looked around the store, then looked back at his friend oddly. The guy said, "Dude, don't ask any questions, just sell it to em." The friend said, "Ok". So the guy left. A customer came in, and went up to the counter. She said, "I want a vibrator. What do you have?" The friend said, "We got red ones, white ones, black ones, big ones, little ones and medium sized ones." The lady said, "I'll take a little red one to carry in my bag." He sold it to her. Another woman walked in. She approached the counter and said, "I would like a vibrator, what do you have?" The friend replied, "Red, black or white, large, medium or small. The woman asked, more...

Why did the cat join the Red Cross? Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.
* Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and yell,' 'I need some tampons!!''
* Try on bras over top of your clothes.
* Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
* While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible' 'Sex and Candy''
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,' 'I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to' '10.''
* Play with the automatic doors.
* Walk up to complete strangers and say,' 'Hi! I more...

There was three girls a brown head, a red head, and a blonde head. They where going to go on a hike in the desert and the brown head said she would take some food if they got hungry, the red head said she would bring water if they got thirsty, and the blonde head said she'd bring a car door........ so if they got hot she could roll down the window.

1. What is the biggest selling Christmas single of all time?
2. What was Scrooge’s first name?
3. What carol contains the line “O tidings of comfort and joy”?
4. Name the three reindeer whose names begin with a “D”?
5. In what city did Miracle on 34th Street take place?
6. In The Night Before Christmas, where were the stockings hung?
7. What color is the Grinch?
8. In the movie The Santa Clause, who starred as the substitute Santa
Claus?
9. What holiday drink contains sugar, milk, and eggs?
10. What popular bite-sized chocolate candy comes wrapped in red
and green foil at Christmas?
11. What one reindeer is never mentioned in “The Night Before
Christmas”?
12. Name the two reindeer whose name begins with a “C”?
13. What carol contains the word “Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la”?
14. What glittery bits of metal are hung on a Christmas tree?
15. What were Frosty’s last words?
16. more...

One night Jerry brought home a dozen red roses to his wife. "How lovely dear" she said, "what's the occasion?"

"I want to make love to you" he said simply.

"Not tonight, dear. I have a headache."

The next night Jerry came home with a big box of chocolates, and explained that he wanted to make love with her.

"I'm awfully tired, honey" said his wife.

"Not tonight."

Every night for a week Jerry brought home something, but each time his wife's answer was no.

Finally he came home with six black kittens with little red bows around their necks and handed them to his wife. "How adorable Jerry" she exclaimed. "But what are they for?"

"These are six little pallbearers for your dead pussy."