Redneck Jokes / Recent Jokes

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?'' No. The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?'' No. The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.'' The farmer shot Chuck.

A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."
The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work at the top of a high-rise building.
It was lunch time, and when the Irishman opened his lunch pail he groaned, "Corned beef and cabbage again! If I get corned beef and cabbage for lunch one more time, I'm going to jump off this building!"
The Mexican opened his lunch pail and exclaimed, "Tacos again! If I get tacos for lunch one more time, I'm going to jump off this building too!"
Then the redneck opened his lunch pail and grumbled, "Bologna again! If I get one more bologna sandwich for lunch I'm going to jump too!"
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch pail, found he had corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
Next, the Mexican opened his lunch pail, saw he had tacos and jumped to his death too.
Finally, the redneck opened his lunch pail, found a bologna sandwich and jumped to his death as well.
At their funeral the following day, the Irishman's more...

it is 10:00 at the police station and there is only 2 officers working that day...Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo.
billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>
...now its 11:00 at the police station...
billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>
...now its midnight... and the power goes out...!!
billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>
wait?! billy-bob thats not my belly-button.
billy-bob: i know...:> and thats not my finger! :>

You might be a redneck if you think subdivision is part of a math problem!

A visiting professor at Texas A & M University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've more...

Ford lovers say that Chevys are built like a rock because they do not move.