Regardless Jokes / Recent Jokes

Regardless of what you may hear, theres still many women these dayswho are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce, they keep the house.

The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They weredown to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one couldget the position. As a final test each recruit was led down ahallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the firstman, "We need to know that you will do whatever we sayregardless of the circumstances. Take this gun, go into thisroom and kill your wife". A look of shock comes over the man'sface. He says, "I can't kill my wife. I just can't do it. Iguess I'm not the man for this job". "No, you're not", agreethe agents, "You're free to go". They bring the second man to the door and say, "We need to knowthat you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances.Take this gun, go into this room and kill your wife". The mantakes the gun and goes into the room. The room is silent andafter five minutes the man opens the door, tears streaming downhis face. "I tried," he says, "but I just couldn't more...

We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes.
When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also do not need to stop.
If, at any time, you have witnessed a green light, it is okay to proceed through the intersection, regardless of the current color of the light.
The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.
If you paid more than $60, 000 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation. This is especially applicable in parking lots.
Drive as quickly as possible through parking structures. Pass any open spot by at least four car lengths before backing up to claim it. Disregard the angry mob that has formed behind you.
Get to know your horn. Use it as often as possible.
While driving on the more...

A woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says:"I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems." "What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I'll love it. It's my child and I'll love it regardless." "Well, yes, of course,... but your child has no legs." "Oh dear. Well, it's my child, and I'll love it regardless." "And it hasn't got any arms either." "What?" "Exactly what I said. Your child doesn't have a body, or a face. In fact, your child is only a very, very big ear." The woman is in anguish, but she still tells the doctor to bring her her son." Sonny, dear, it's me your mother! Do you hear me!?" "There is no need to scream," says the doctor "it's deaf."

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.
I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides to the story.
I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to more...