Repairman Jokes / Recent Jokes

President Bush, Donald Rumsfeld and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn`t that Bush, Rumsfeld and Powell sitting over there?"
Bartender says, "Yep, that`s them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We`re planning WW I I I ".
And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?"
Rumsfeld says, "Well, we`re going to kill 25 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman? Why kill a bicycle repairman?
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smartie?! I told you no one would worry about the 25 million Iraqis!"

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, Isn''t that Bush and Powell?"

The barman said, Yep, that is them."

So the guy walked over and said, "Hello, what are you guys doing?

Bush said, "We are planning World War-Ill."

The guy asked, Really? What is going to happen?

Bush said, "Well we are going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman.

The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?

Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Iraqis."

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn’t accommodate her with an “after-hours” appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won’t bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird! ”
Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.
As he was ready to leave, he couldn’t resist saying, “You stupid bird, why don’t you shut up! ”
To which the bird replied, “Killer, get him!!! ”

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!"

Mrs. Lonefold's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman.
He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and, since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check."
"By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!"
When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Lonefold's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen.
But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.
However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant cursing, yelling, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"
To which the parrot more...

A woman called in a repairman to fix her television. Just as he finished,
the woman heard her husband's key in the lock. "Hurry," she said to the
repairman, "you'll have to hide. My husband is insanely jealous."
There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman hid inside the
TV console. The husband came in and plopped down in his favorite chair to watch
some football. Inside the TV, the repairman was all squished up and getting
hotter and hotter. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. He climbed out,
marched across the room and out the front door.
The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked back at the set
again and said, "I didn't see the referee send that guy off the field, did
you?"

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off her. Every time she came in the room, he'd nearly jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.

When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make an unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on.

"Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man, he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man. .."

The repairman salivated in anticipation, "Yes, yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door..."

"Yes, yes!"

"Would you please help me move the refrigerator?"