Repeat Jokes / Recent Jokes
For women - Helpful info.
For men - For the woman in your life.
PREPARING FOR YOUR MAMMOGRAM:
Many woman are afraid of their mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home.
Exercise No. 1:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Place one bookend on each side of your breast. Press the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet again next year and do it again. Repeat all steps on the other breast.
Exercise No. 2:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends (or a stranger) slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that more...
Here's a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows: ONE POINTRun one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. THREE-POINTSBabble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.Shout random numbers while more...
SHIT HAPPENS in various world religions
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Taoism: Shit happens.
If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Shit happens, so flow with it.
Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,
she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it)
Please this flower and buy our shit.
Confucianism: Confucious say, "Shit happens".
Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen
PROPERLY."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
Shit will happen again to you next time.
Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will
have salvation.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
7th Day Adventism:
Shit happens on Saturdays.
Hinduism: I've seen this shit happening before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of more...
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!
Exercise 1: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
Exercise 2: Visit your garage at 3am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.
Exercise 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the more...
*** Pre-Mammogram Exercises! ***
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day with the following exercises a week before the exam, you will be totally prepared for the test -- and best of all -- you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.
EXERCISE ONE: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible -- and then lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO: Go into your garage at 3 a. m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just right. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and more...
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." Practice making fax and modem noises. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. Adjust the background color on your email so that all your email correspondence is in green, and insist to others that you "like it that more...