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Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing. Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed, "Roger!", and was relieved to hear a faint reply." Okay Rodge," shouted Barry, "I'm gonna throw a rope down to you, so wrap it' round one of your legs and.." but before he could finish, he heard Roger call "But both my legs are broke." Barry suggested his arms, to which the reply was "They're broken too!" So finally, Roger held on with his mouth. Barry struggled to pull up the rope, and when he was nearly there, Barry said, "You right there mate?" to which Rodger replied,"YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS........"

A Journalist has to write a story on the lack of meat in Poland. So he goes off to Poland and asks the people, "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?"

All the poles reply: "Meat? What is meat?"

Seeing he cannot get an answer in Poland he goes to the USSR and asks the Soviets, "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?"

All the Soviets reply: "Think? What is think?"

Seeing he cannot get an answer in the USSR he goes to the USA and asks the Americans, "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?"
All the Americans reply: "Lack? What is lack?"

Seeing he cannot get an answer in the USA he decides to go to Israel, and asks the Israelis, "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?"

To which all the Israelis reply: "Excuse me? What is excuse me?"

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course, ” comes the reply.
The first man then asks: “Where are you from? ”
“I’m from Ireland, ” replies the second man.
The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland. ”
“Of course, ” replies the second man.
I’m curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from? ”
“Dublin, ” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it, ” says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin. ”
“Of course, ” replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to? ”
“Saint Mary’s, ” replies the second man, “I graduated in ‘62. ”
“This is unbelievable! ”, the first man says. “I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ‘62, too! ”
About that more...

An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
Shortly, he received this reply,
"For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."

A Schoolboy Met A Poor Lady Driving A Couple Of Donkeys Before Her. She Said To One Of The Senior Female "Good Morning Mother
Of Asses." "Good Morning My Child" Came The Reply.

A man goes into a greasy spoon-type cafe and he says, "I would like one of your special full English breakfasts". "No problem." Comes the greasy little fat girls reply from behind the counter. "But I want it MY way." says the man. "What do you mean your way?" comes the reply. The man says, "well, I what the eggs only just about done so they look like I have snotted on them." he says. "I want the baked beans done so they are baking hot on the top, and freezing cold on the bottom. I want the bacon stuck to the plate with grease, with more rind than actual bacon. I want fried bread so greasy that the grease trickles in to the snotty egg and beans." "I dont have the time to do all that!" came the reply from the greasy little fat girl. "WELL YOU FUCKING HAD TIME YESTERDAY!!!" came the reply.

An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.Shortly, he received this reply,"For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!"At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."