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A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, ''Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.'' ''Well,'' the doctor replied, ''go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about five feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness''.
Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, ''Honey, what's for dinner?'' He hears no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, ''Honey, what's for dinner?'' She replies, ''For the fourth time, vegetable stew!''
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife.
He says to the doctor, ''Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.''
''Well,'' the doctor replied, ''go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about five feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness''.
Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, ''Honey, what's for dinner?''
He hears no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again.
No reply.
He moves five feet closer.
Still no reply.
He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, ''Honey, what's for dinner?''
She replies, ''For the fourth time, vegetable stew!
ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING......... By Francie Baltazar-Schwartz
Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself,' Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' more...
A Journalist has to write a story on the lack of meat in Poland. So he goes off to Poland and asks the people: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?" All the Poles reply: "Meat? What is meat?" Seeing he cannot get an answer in Poland he goes to the USSR and asks the Soviets: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?" All the Soviets reply: "Think? What is think?" Seeing he cannot get an answer in the USSR he goes to the USA and asks the Americans: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?" All the Americans reply: "Lack? What is lack?" Seeing he cannot get an answer in the USA he decides to go to Israel, and asks the Israelis: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?" To which all the Israelis reply: "Excuse me? What is excuse me?"
Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says,' Mike, you wait here, I'm going to run in for confession, it's been a long time'.
Pat enters the confessional and says,' Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman'.
The priest asks,' was it Mrs Murphy'?' no, Father', was the reply.
' Was it Mrs O'Boyle'? Again the reply was' No, Father'.
' Was it Mrs. O'Grady'? Pat said, Father, I'll not be teling you the lady's name!
So the priest told him to say two Hail Mary's for each time he had sinned with the woman.
Back on the street, Mike said,' Well, how did you do'? Pat said,' Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects'!
A woman goes into a bar real depressed and uses her last 10 dollars to buy a drink. All of a sudden she gets an idea that she knows will solve her problems. She takes her change and goes to the man at the end of the bar and says, " Mister, I'm broke and my landlord said if I dont give him the rent money first thing in the morning, I'm out of a place to live. I'll bet you my last five dollars that i can come up with a rhyme that you can't come up with a reply to." The man wanting to help her says ok go ahead. So she tells him, "six times six is thirty-six and three is thirty-nine. I can tell the length of yours but you can't tell the depth of mine." The man scratches his head and says, "your right, I can't top that." and he pays her the five dollars. Then she goes to the next man and the next until she has beat every man in the bar. So she goes to the next bar and starts betting 100 at a time. She does this at every bar on the block until she has 3, 000 more...
A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. "I'm
sorry, he's dead," comes the reply. The musician calls back 25 times,
always getting the same reply form the receptionist. At last she asks
him why he keeps calling. "I just like to hear you say it."