Reporter Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three old men were sitting on a bench in a park, when a reporter approached them.
"I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life," the reporter asked.
The three old men agreed. The first old man was asked his secret to his long life.
"I'm teetotaler, I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years."
"Wow, that's really remarkable!" said the reporter. "What's your age?"
"I'm 95," said the man.
The second man was asked the same question on his secret to long life.
"I drank on occasion, I smoked, but not often and I dated some."
"And how old are you?" asked the reporter.
"I'm 90," said the old man.
Finally, the reporter approached the third old man and asked his secret to a long life.
"I dated every woman that would go out with me, I drank until I passed out and I smoked three more...

Reporter: My editor sent me to do the burglary. Policeman: You're too late - it's already been done.

Reporter: And how did you win the Distinguished Service Cross? Private: I saved the lives of my entire regiment. Reporter: Wonderful! And how did you do that? Private: I shot the cook.

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy." Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Viciou Animal," he starts writing in his notebook." But I'm not a Giants fan," the little hero replied." Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again." Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook." I'm not a Jets fan either," the boy said." I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets." What team do you root for?" the reporter asked." I'm a Cowboys fan." the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Redneck more...

Reporter: To what do you attribute your old age? Old Man: To the fact that I was born in 1890.

Reporter: What made you go out on that dangerous pond ice and risk your life to save a friend? Boy Hero: I had to do it. He had my skates on.

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old. I've had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But..... Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!
When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older, you will settle for being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team.