Research Jokes / Recent Jokes
'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse.
The dining room table with clutter was spread
With pedigree charts and with letters which said. ..
"Too bad about the data for which you wrote
Sank in a storm on an ill fated boat."
Stacks of old copies of wills and the such
Were proof that my work had become much too much.
Our children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugarplums danced in their heads.
And I at my table was ready to drop
From work on my album with photos to crop.
Christmas was here, and of such was my lot
That presents and goodies and toys I forgot.
Had I not been so busy with grandparent's wills,
I'd not have forgotten to shop for such thrills.
While others had bought gifts that would bring Christmas cheer;
I'd spent time researching those birth dates and years.
While I was thus musing about more...
Scientists have recently come under criticism from PETA for using rats in research. Rats were used in earlier days of research because people didn't really care that rats suffered. PETA is now trying to convince science to use the Jonas Brothers instead.
A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500, 000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um... no." "-or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "-or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?" The humiliated more...
Sri and Bri are two friends and Sri Singh has a very good job. Bri Singh is jobless and one day asks Sri to help him get some good Job. Sri Singh says, "OK, next time we will apply together." and they do.
On interview day, Sri Singh says, "First I will go inside and answer all questions and after coming out, I will give you all the questions & answers. Then you go in and answer everything. You will get the Job. So, Sri goes in.
EMPLOYER: When did we get independence?
Sri: Efforts started in 1857, but we got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER: Good. Who is our PM?
Sri: It changes frequently and these days it's Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER: OK. What's India's population?
Sri: Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you, Sir.
Now he comes out and tells the questions and answers to Bri Singh. Bri Singh (True SARDAR that he is) remembers all answers and forgets the questions. He goes in Now.
EMPLOYER: When were more...
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".
Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the
head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two
years
and cost over $180, 000. The results of the study concluded that the
head
of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with
more
pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own
study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the
US
study were incorrect. After three years of research and a cost in
excess
of $250, 000, they concluded thatthe head of a man's
penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more
pleasure during sex.
When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to
conduct their own studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive
research and a cost of right around $75, the Polish study was complete.
The polish more...