Respect Jokes / Recent Jokes

A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of service by sending him to Oahu for a week, all expenses paid. When he enters his hotel room, there's a nude girl lying on the bed.
He picks up the phone, calls his temple, and says, "Where is your respect? As your rabbi, I am extremely angry with you."
Hearing this, the girl immediately gets up and starts to get dressed.
He says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you..."

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 1999, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious more...

The Polish were upset because of their bad reputation. A group of them got together and approached a conference of Americans, Germans, and Japanese and asked for help on this matter. An American replied, "You must do something so the world will respect you. The Japanese are known for their technology and the Germans are known for their resourcefulness. We Americans have had respect since we helped win the World War against the other two. See, you need to do something world-famous." A German added," Yes, he`s right. Why don`t you find a place in this world in need of a bridge that no one has dared build, build it, come back to us, and we will help publicize it." With that, the Polish set off to build their bridge. They designed it and worked 6 months and finally completed it. They then went back to report it to the group. The bridge was a beautiful bridge but it had one flaw: it was erected in the middle of the Sahara Desert. An American said, "No, no. See, more...

The little rascals were in class and the teacher was giving them a vocabulary lesson. The teacher said, "Alfalfa, use the word love in a sentence". Alfalfa replies, "I love Darla".The teacher said, "Good...now Spanky your word is respect". Spanky replies, "I respect the way Alfalfa loves Darla". The teacher said, "Very good! Now Buckweat its your turn, your word is Dictate".Buckweat replies, "Hey Darla...how did my dictate last night?".

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. -- Groucho MarxWe must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. -- H. L. MenckenWhat's new? Most of my wife. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -- GuitryWhen marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws. Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house. Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs. You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.

Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s).

Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best
wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low
stress, non addictive, and gender neutral celebration of the winter
solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions
of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for
the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others,
or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions
at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally
fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally
accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the
Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars
of choice of other cultures).
The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race,
creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of
computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s).
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