Rest Jokes / Recent Jokes

Top 10 Reasons For Being Spanish
You can be mistaken for a Mexican all over North America
The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees
You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc
The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans
Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing
Hard to get the women into bed without marrying them...
.. and twice as hard still if you're not a Catholic
In fact, the only sure way is to dress up in silly too-tight clothes and
risk your life in front of bulls
You get to eat bulls' testicles
Supported Argentina in Falklands War.

A woman goes to the doctor's and says, "Doctor, Doctor, you have to help me. Every time I go to the bathroom, DIMES come out!"The doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week.A week later the woman returns and says, "Doctor, Doctor, it's gotten worse! Every time I go to the bathroom, QUARTERS come out! What's wrong with me?"Again the doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week. Another week passes and the woman returns and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I'm still not getting better! Every time I go to the bathroom, HALF-DOLLARS come out! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!!"The doctor says, "Relax, Relax,... you're just going through your change!"

...relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you should get some rest.
...you can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
...the Sun is too loud.
...trees begin chasing you.
...you can see individual air molecules vibrating.
...you begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
...you wonder if brewing is really a necessary step in the consumption of coffee.
...you can hear mimes.
...you believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
...things become "Very Clear."
...you ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
...you begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can understand.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
...you keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING more...

A ninety-year-old man living in a rest home was granted a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar, sat at the end, and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy-year-old woman at the other end of the bar, and told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink. As the evening progressed, the old man joined the lady, and they went to her apartment, where they got stinky and wrinkly.
Four days later, the old man noticed that he had developed a drip, and headed to the rest home doctor. After careful examination the doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently. The old man said, "Sure!"
The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived.
"Sure, why?" asked the old man.
"Well you'd better get over there," replied the doctor, "You're about to come!"

A Pakistani dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Pakistani hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Pakistani devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is more...

This Poor Innocent Guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30-minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the more...

Three friends died and went to heaven. The first friend, Sarah, was the first one to go into the pearly gates and meet "God".
"Hello Sarah, it is so nice to see you here" God said to her. "Please make yourself at home and do whatever you want. Slide down the rainbows, sleep on the clouds, just have fun. BUT DON'T Step on the ducks" God said. "We love and cherish ducks here".
So, Sarah goes on her merry way and enjoys herself. Until OPPS! She steps on a duck. Suddenly the ugliest, most hideous man pops up and Sarah realized she must spend the rest of her life with him.
Next, Olivia goes into the pearly gates and God tells her the same thing. "Do whatever you want, just DON'T step on the ducks". So, Olivia goes on her way and OPPS! She steps on a duck. And she, too has to spend the rest of her life with a ugly, hideous man.
The last friend, Jenn, goes to meet and God and he tells her the same thing. "DON'T STEP on more...