Ride Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Eejanaika roller coaster in Japan holds the Guinness Book record for the most inversions in a roller coaster, at 14. The ride is also a "4th dimension" coaster.
"4th dimension" refers to a design in which the seats can rotate 360 degrees in a controlled spin and is also used to describe the direction your lunch will go in after the ride.
A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther.
He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down.
Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.
The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had more...
In the early 1930`s, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost."$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That`s too much," said the farmer.The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I`ll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you`ll have to pay $10." The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man." "Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."
A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains justbecame too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down. Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the biketook off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted t he speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes more...
14. “Twice as many rides - all 40% slower!! ”
13. The neighboring “Microsoft Theme Park” keeps trying to connect up its carriages to your cash register.
12. The really good rides you keep hearing about aren’t accessible at all.
11. Your ticket is good for “500 free hours! ” but the fine print reminds you that all free hours must be used today.
10. The sign outside the bigtop tent reads, “We’re sorry, all circus are busy right now. Please come back later. ”
9. Ride attendants keep insisting they’re busty young vixens despite the fact that they’re all over 40, dirty, and male.
8. None of the rides work, but big color pictures make it easy to find your way around.
7. A spiffy new look to the roller coaster since last time you visited, but it’s still just as rusty, squeaky and dangerous.
6. Even though you’ve paid your monthly entrance fee, you can’t get into the park any time except between midnight and six a. more...
An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas, which was an Indian reservation, when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud, that it would echo from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.
"I don't know. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Didn't you notice? Indians ride bareback."
Letter Home From the Hillbilly in the Army
Dear Ma and Pa:
Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 5 a. m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave, but it ain't bad, they git warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kinda weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed gain. It aint no wonder these more...