Riding Jokes / Recent Jokes
Big Bad Wolf:
The big bad wolf said to Little Red Riding Hood, "unbutton your blouse and let me suck your tits." "Fuck off," she replied as she tugged down her panties. "Eat me, like the fuckin' book says."
Pinocchio:
Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife. "Every time we make love, I get splinters."
So Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gepetto the Carpenter, for advice. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that's what you need." Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again.
"How are you getting along with the girls now?" "Who needs girls?" replied Pinocchio.
Cinderella:
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two more...
At the Senior Citizens' luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up
a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were
widowed they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and
started out on their adventure. They were riding down the river when there was a
fork in the river and the gentleman asks the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate
love to the man right in the boat. When finished the man couldn't believe what had
just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.
They fished for a while and then continued on down the river when soon they came
upon another fork in the river. He asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"
There she went again, stripped off and more...
What is the difference between a wicker basket and a wicker box? A wicker basket is what little red riding hood took to grandma's house.A wicker box is what Elmer Fudd did to little red riding hood.
This Cowboy is riding the range when he gets ambushed by some indians. They take him back to their villiage to see the chief. The Chief looks at the cowboy and says:"You White man, you will die at sundown, but Chief is not as evil as white man, so you gettum three wishes." What is your first wish?, The cowboy looks around, thinks, then, with a gulp, say: "well, can i talk to my horse o' great chief?" The Chief looks puzzled, laughs to his tribe and says "he-he, sure white man you can talk to your horse". So the cowboy goes to his horse and wispers in it's ear, the horse looks puzzled, but then with bright eyes it gallops off in a cloud of dust. The Indians just sit and laugh at the cowboy for wasting his wish. BUT, all of a sudden the horse returns with a Blonde riding upon its back. The indians look amazed. The chief grins, points to a secluded Teepee. The cowboy now looks embarrassed, so he takes the blonde and goes into the teepee. An hour later he more...
Q: What's the difference between cricketers and condoms?
A: Cricketers drop the catches and condoms catches the drops.
Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?
A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass.
Q: What makes a happy man?
A: Daughter is on the cover of Vogue, son on the cover of Sports llustrated, mistress on the cover of Playboy and wife on the cover of Missing persons.
Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both dissappear at night.
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward... backward... forward... backward.... forward... stop and eject.
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes more...
An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building when a young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!"
Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says, "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound!"
A blonde from California decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune. . . the Supermarket manager sees her and shuts the horse off.