Right Jokes / Recent Jokes

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left - phone a friend.
The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 - are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it...
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."
"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...
No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but more...

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.
"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figure out."
"What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"
"Right."
"An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"
"Er-right."
"An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again you're right."
"An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?"
"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?"
"What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"?

A Pakistani soldier was caught trespassing in the private quarter of a home. The houseowner hauled him out into the street and both he and his son began to thrash him. A passerby joined them. The military police rescued the soldier and arrested the three men. They were arraigned before a military court.
Assaulting a man in military uniform is a very serious crime, punishable by death,' said the presiding officer to the three accused.' What explanations have you to offer as extenuating circumstances?'
The elderly houseowner replied:' Sir, I caught this man trying to molest my daughter. The honour of a Pakistani daughter is more sacred than one's life.'
'Quite right!', agreed the presiding officer.' And what do you have to say?', He asked the houseowner's son.
'Sir, this fellow was. trying to take liberties with my sister. The honour of a Pakistani sister is more precious that one's life/ he replied.
'Quite right!' agreed the presiding officer, and turned to the more...

At The Superbowl Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium - he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decided to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man said "no". Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?!" The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven't been to together more...

Three men are golfing. There is Jesus, Moses and an old man.They've been pretty evenly matched until they arrive at the 11 hole to find a huge water trap. Moses tees up, and smacks that ball right out into the middle of the trap. Without a second thought he parts the water, hits the ball and gets it on the fairway, one stroke from the green. Then Jesus tees up. He smacks his ball right into the middle of the water trap. Without a second thought he walks out on the water, and hits that ball right onto the green. Finally the old man tees up. He hits the ball into the water trap. A fish swims up from the bottom of the trap with the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, picks up the fish and carries it over the hole, where the fish drops the ball and it plops into the hole. Jesus looks at the old man as Moses pencils another 1 in the old man's card. "Alright Dad, stop showing off"!

WILE E. COYOTE, Plaintiff v. s. THE ACME COMPANY, INC., Defendant In the United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B191294, Judge Joan Kujava, Presiding Plaintiff, Mr. Wiley E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to more...

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.
The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, more...