Ring Jokes / Recent Jokes
Passing a cemetery in the wee hours of the morning, a drunk noticed a sign that read, RING THE BELL FOR THE CARETAKER.
He did just that, and a sleepy-eyed man staggered to the gate. "What do you want at this hour?" the man demanded.
The drunk looked the caretaker over for a minute and then retorted, "I want to know why you can't ring the damn bell yourself!"
A little boy was in a relative`s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride`s side and groom`s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear.
The sardarni asks her lover, "santa dear, if we get engaged, will you give me a ring?".
"Sure", replies santa. "What's your phone number."
A guy's fingering his girlfriend.She says, "Would you take off your ring? It's hurting me."He says, "That's not my ring...It's my wristwatch."
Yo Mama is like a championship ring, everybody puts a finger in her!
Many a wife thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.
Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give. - Cass Daley
Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.
Marriage is a rest period between romances.
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.
Marriage is an institution–but who wants to live in an institution?
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo…
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
A white haired, old man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday, with a beautiful young lady on his side. "I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend" he said. The jeweler looks through his stock, and takes out an outstanding ring priced at $5, 000. "I don't think you understand. .. I want something very unique," he said. At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at $40, 000." The girls' eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would take it. "How are you paying?" "I'll pay by check, but of course you would want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a check and you can phone the bank tomorrow, then I'll fetch the ring on Monday". Monday morning a very pissed off jeweler phones the man. " You bastard, you lied, there's no money in that account" "I know, but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend I had?"