River Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two hippos are sitting in the middle of a river in Africa. I don't know where, just one of those rivers that you see hippos lolling around in. And, is it hot? I'm telling you, you could die from the heat. It's like 150 degrees and not a breath of breeze.
There's nothing moving except the slowly flowing river and maybe a fly or two buzzing around the hippos. The only parts of the hippos showing are their little ears sticking out of the water and their little bulgy eyes and their nostrils and they're just sitting there, side by side, hour after hour.
Every once in a while a fly lands on one of their ears and they wiggle the ear and it flies around and lands again. Nothing stirs. Hour after hour they sit.
All of a sudden one of this hippos raises its big head out of the water and slowly shakes it. The other hippo then raises his big head out of the water and says, "What?".
And the first hippo says, "I don't know Clyde, all day long I can't get it through my more...

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world,I'd take it and pour it into the river."And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world I'd take it and pour it into the river."Sermon complete, he then sat down. The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song,let us sing Hymn #365: "Shall We Gather at the River".

There were two men fishing on the river one day. One was catching all these fish and the other wasn't catching anything.

George W. Bush is seen crossing the Potomac river on foot.

The Washington Post: "President Bush crosses the Potomac River".

The Washington Time: "Bush's conservative approach saves taxpayers a boat".

Mother Jones: "Bush can't swim".

There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river, when a lioncame by for a cool drink. The gorilla thought to himself, "Howfunny would it be to screw the king of the jungle in the ass?"After a moment or two, the gorilla swung into action. He grabbedthe lion and started pumping away. The lion freaked of course, and jumped into the river. The lion came out of the water, roaring, he was really upset. The gorilla decided that it was a good timeto be somewhere else, and took off running. The gorilla knew he hadto think of something quick because he wasn't going to outrun the lion. Just then the gorilla saw a hunter's tent and ducked inside to hide. The hunter, reading the paper, was startled and ran out of the tent. The gorilla decided to pretend to be the hunter, he put on the hunter'sshirt and hat, and started to read the paper. A few minutes later, the lion ran in and thinking it was the hunterreading the paper, said, "Hey Buddy, did you see a gorilla run in more...

Two blondes were standing on opposite sides of the river. The blonde on the west side yelled across to the other, "Can you tell me how to get to the other side of the river?"
The blonde on the east side looked up and down the river and yelled back, "You are on the other side!"

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard.Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle."Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks."When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied."Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe."Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."