River Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses. ”
“We don’t have any. ” replied the first blonde.
“Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses. ” said the Game Warden.
“But officer, ” replied the second blonde, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river. ”
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. “Well, I know of no law against it, ” said the Game Warden, “take all the debris you want. ” And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. “What a dumb Fish Cop, ” the second blonde said to the other two, more...
A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, ''If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'' With even greater emphasis he said, ''And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'' And then finally, he said, ''And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'' Sermon complete, he then sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced, ''For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River.'''
There was a widow and widower living next to each other. They had been neighbors for over 30 years, but each had lost their spouse not too long ago. Over a number of weeks, they had become close.
One day, the man asked the woman if she enjoyed fishing. Yes, she replied, she used to enjoy fishing with her late husband. The man agreed to pick her up at 6 a. m. the next morning.
They went down to the river at the time they decided the next day, and began fishing. After a while, the man began to move the boat upstream. They came to a fork in the river and the man asked the woman, "Up or down?" Being nice, he wanted to let her decide.
The woman looked around, promptly took off all her clothes and jumped on the old man. They had passionate sex. After a while, they redressed and resumed fishing. Later in the day, they came to another fork in the river. Again, the man asked, "Up or down?" and once again the woman stripped and another round more...
Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses. ”
“We don’t have any. ” replied the first blonde. “Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses. ” “But officer, ” replied the second blonde, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river. ” The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line.
“Well, I know of no law against it, ” said the warden, “take all the debris you want. ” And with that, he left. As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.
“What a dumb cop, ” the second blonde said to the other two, “doesn’t he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?! ”
A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below. He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing. He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life." Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind." "Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly..."My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it!"
A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there, found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. Being a city boy by nature, the biologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, "What are those drums?" The guide turned to him and said, "Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop."
Well the biologist settled down a little at this, and things went reasonably well for about two weeks. Then, just as they were packing up the camp to leave, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the biologist like a ton of bricks (to coin a phrase), and he yelled at the guide,
"The Drums have stopped, what happens now?"
The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said:
"Bass Solo"