Robber Jokes / Recent Jokes

A robber and an alms-begging monk were pursuing their way together when a tiger suddenly appeared from nowhere and pounced upon them. The robber immediately drew a bow. The tiger, however, was not afraid and kept closing in on them. As a last resort, the monk threw his alms book at the tiger, which immediately fell back with fright and beat a hasty retreat. "Pa," asked the tiger cub of its father," how come you were not afraid of the robber and yet the monk gave you such a good scare?" "Well," replied the tiger, " when the robber came up, I was prepared to wrestle with him. But when the monk wanted to beg alms from me, how was I going to bundle him off?"

A robber broke in on a young woman and her elderly mother.
"I'm going to tie you up while I fill my bag with swag," he said, "and then before I leave I'm going to have my way with both of you."
"Oh, please, sir," cried the young woman, "take anything you want, and do what you will with me, but PLEASE spare my dear old mother."
"Now, dear," said the mother, "don't try to teach the man his trade."

A robber was robbing a house and he got this big bag full of loot when all of the sudden he hears this voice "Jesus is watching you" so he thinks nothing of it and keeps going and he hears it again "Jesus is watching you" so he asks "who is saying that?" He replies "Moses the parrot in the corner" the robber then asks "What nut would name his parrot Moses?" The parrot replies "The same Nut that would name his Rottweiler Jesus." And the robber runs out real fast!

A man tried to rob a bank. As a disguise, he wore a paper sack over his head. The sack was secured by a rope around his neck.

Only very small peep holes were cut out so he could see. Armed with a shotgun, the robber told the teller to start emptying the tills and he commanded everyone else to drop to the floor or he would start shooting.

Everyone in the bank complied with the armed robber's command.

Then suddenly, as the robber moved closer to the tellers window, he began to wobble and walk erratically. Seconds later, the armed robber fell to the floor. He dropped his shotgun. It appeared that he was not moving, so a security officer picked up the gun and told the robber he was under arrest. It was apparent that there was something wrong with the robber. The security officer and a customer in the bank, with medical experience, tried to remove the mask.

They had difficulty getting the rope untied from around the man's neck and so had to rip more...

A robber was robbing a house when he heard a voice. "Jesus is watching you!" "who's there?" The robber said But no sound was heard. So he kept going and he heard it two more times when he spotted a parrot. "What's your name," the robber asked. "Cocodora" said the parrot. "Now, what kind of idiot would name a bird Cocodora" said the robber. "The same idiot who named the rotweiler Jesus", said the parrot.

A robber was shinning his torch around at some objects. "Jesus is watching you," a voice said "Huh?, oh well," the robber said and continued shinning his torch. "Jesus is watching you," the voice continued. The robber shined his torch to were the voice came from and found a parrot. "Oh, it's you," the robber said. "I'm just trying to warn you," the parrot said. "Oh, that's nice," the robber said, pretending to be scared, "what's your name?" "Moses." "Moses? What kind of idiot would call a parrot Moses?" "The same kind of idiot that would call a rottweiler Jesus!"

a robber whas running from the cops so he ran into a church and he seen a preist and he shot
the preist moments later the cops shot the robber but ther whas a mix up the preist went to hell and the robber went to heaven then the mistack was cleard and when they swiched the preist said to the robber i can't wate to meet the vigin mary then the robber replide
she's not a virgin any more.