Robber Jokes / Recent Jokes

Grandmother and granddaughter were in the bank when three bank robbers walked in and held it up."All the ladies down on the floor," one handsome robber commanded."My grandmother too?" the little girl asked. "Yes, your grandmother too!""All the ladies on the floor, pull up your dresses.""My grandmother too?" "Yes, your grandmother too! All ladies will now remove their panties.""Surely you don't mean my grandmother too?" asked the little girl.Becoming angry, the handsome robber shouted, "YES, YOUR GRANDMOTHER TOO! Now, all the ladies on the floor are to spread their legs apart."When the little girl started to ask if her grandmother was included, her grandmother snarled, "YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN SAID!"

A little old lady came home from shopping and found a robber in her kitchen.
Scared and not knowing what to do, she raised her hand and quoted the Scripture "Acts 2:38." The robber froze in his tracks, so she called the police. When the policeman came, he saw this robber standing perfectly still and wondered what the lady had done. He asked her, and she replied, "I just quoted some Scripture." The policeman turned to the robber and said, "Why did that Scripture make you act this way?" The robber replied, "Scripture, what Scripture? I thought she said she had an axe and two 38s."

This is supposedly a true story, it happened in a small town of the province of Quebec, Canada, in October 1996. They showed the video surveillance tape on the news, and even the anchorman was laughing through it.
A robber came into a convenience store wearing a ski mask and a gun wanting to empty the cash register. He took the clerk to the back of the store and locked her up in the fridge. Unfortunately, when he came back to the front of the store, a customer had come in. So he took *off* the ski mask and the gloves, and pretended to be filling in for the clerk. The customer wanted a lottery ticket, so he tried to help her out, pressing a whole bunch of buttons on the machine (thus leaving fingerprints everywhere), but the machine was not cooperating.
Meanwhile, another customer walks in. Finally, he tells the first customer (after about 5 minutes of close-up shots from the camera) that the machine is not working and that he won't be able to help her. The robber *makes the more...

There are 3 guys and they all work in a store. One day a robber comes into the store with a gun ready to shoot. The guys are like please please don't shoot me! So the robber says ''only on 1 condition you have to bring a fruit tomorrow and stick it up your butt.So the next day the first guy comes with an apple and sticks it up his butt but he was shot any way. The second guy came with an orange and sticks it up his butt but he was shot anyway. So the 2 guys are up in heaven and the first guy starts laughing. ''Whats so funny, were dead!'' says the second guy. ''Its not that!'' says the first guy. ''Then what is it?''
'' I just seen the third guy with a watermellon!'' says the first guy.

This is supposedly a true story, it happened in a small town of the province of Quebec, Canada, in October 1996. They showed the video surveillance tape on the news, and even the anchorman was laughing through it.A robber came into a convenience store wearing a ski mask and a gun wanting to empty the cash register. He took the clerk to the backstore and locked her up in the fridge. Unfortunately, when he came back to the front of the store, a customer had come in. So he took *off* the ski mask and the gloves, and pretended to be filling in for the clerk. The customer wanted a lottery ticket, so he tried to help her out, by pressing a whole bunch of buttons on the machine (thus leaving fingerprints everywhere), but the machine was not cooperating. Meanwhile, another customer walks in. Finally, he tells the first customer (after about 5 minutes of close-up shots from the camera) that the machine is not working and that he won't be able to help her. The robber *makes the sale* to the more...

A judge frowns at the criminal report of the man he is judging.
He asks, "So you robbed the same store on three successive nights?"
The robber replies, "Yes your honor."
The judge, even more perplexed asks, "And why was that?"
"Because my wife wanted a dress," says the robber.
The judge checks with his records, "But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!"
"Yes sir. She made me exchange it twice."

one day three girls walk into a bar, a blonde a redhead and a brunette. and there
is a man robbing it.
he sais no one move or ill shoot. Quickly the
brunette sais look tornado. and the robber looks and she runs out. he gets mad. then the redhead sais look a flood. the robber looks she runs away. the blonde sais fire.
and the roobber fires!!!