Robbery Jokes / Recent Jokes

After a two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"

"Yes, we have, your honor," the foreman responded.

"Would you please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.

After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court."

"We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman.

The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude.

The man's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about more...

A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more years.

Police in Los Angeles had better luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup.
When detectives asked each man to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

Investigating a purse snatching, Brunswick, Georgia, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief's description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an I. D. The suspect dutifully eyed the victim, and blurted, "Yeah, that's the woman I robbed." Elsewhere... In Nashville, they tell of Fred "Bubba" Johnson, the burglar who fell asleep on the sofa of the home he was robbing, only to be awakened by police. Meanwhile... In Thibodaux, Louisiana, a robber with a thick Cajun accent couldn't get restaurant patrons to understand his demand for money. Frustrated, he whipped out his gun, but it wouldn't fire. Grabbing the cash register, he ran -- but got only three feet before falling down. The register was still plugged into the wall... Unplugging it, he tried again, but a regular diner decked him and called police. And... In Rhode Island, cops were sure they had the right guy when the suspect in a string of coin-machine thefts more...

After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge. The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"
"Yes we have, your honor," the foreman responded.
"Would you please pass it to me,"
The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.
After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court."
"We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman.
The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the "not guilty" verdict and hug each other as they shout more...

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about more...

Here I have two burglar stories:
The first one was about 4 years ago, in the bank, a guy stealed a check for about $50,000,000.00 mexican pesos (about USD $25,000.00 in that time) from another guy who was in the line.
Two police officers started to chase him, and when the guy realized that he will never get to collect the check, he ate it. The police had to release him as they didn't had any evidence of the crime. (The guy was in front of me in the line so, i guess it is true)
The second story is about another bank robbery, a man with no weapons robbed 3 banks in 30 minutes, How? The 3 banks are very close enough to make th is stunt. He entered the bank, tell the manager this is a robbery, i have no gun, but if you see, top of that building, there is a friend of mine with a shotgun and he's aiming at you, now gimme the money. He grabbed the money and proceed to the next bank. He repeated the same procedure in each bank and went away.
3 hous later, when they realized more...