Robbery Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail.
The robbery begins. Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffie, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," said Buffie. Buffie goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes... Two minutes pass... Seven minutes pass... and Judy is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffie. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.
The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the more...

... lady why she didn't report the robbery right away.
"I didn't know it was a robbery right away. It looked like my husband had been looking for a clean shirt."

Kanjibhai the jeweller called the police station to report a robbery. "You'll never believe what happened, Officer. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewellery and climbed back into the truck.
The doors closed and the truck pulled away."

The Pandu hawaldar said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?"

"What's the difference?" asked Kanjibhai Jaweri.

"Well," said the Hawaldar, "an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears."

"Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said Kanjibhai "He had a stocking over his head."

Once Santa And Banta Went To Do A Robbery. When Santa Was Stealing A Glass It Fell From His Hand. The Owner In Deep Sleep Asks Who Is There.
Santa Replies "Meow Meow". Banta Too Goes To Steal And Something Falls From His Hands Also.
The Owner Asks "Who Is It"
Banta Replies "Doosri Billi".

After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge. The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks,
"Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"
"Yes we have, your honor," the foreman responded.
"Would you please pass it to me,"
The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.
After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court."
"We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman.
The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the "not guilty" verdict and hug each other as they shout more...

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME IN HANDY A repeat offender got alife sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Martstore. His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard - which turned hispetty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released from prison less than threeyears ago, Florida's repeat offender law required the judge to send him away for lifewithout the possibility of parole.INSULT TO INJURY An unemployed sanitationworker in Miami is also facing life in prison - for shooting himself in the privates. Ina drunken stupor, the man reached for a pistol he had hidden in his pants. The gun wentoff, and the bullet struck the man in the... nuggets. At first, he told officers someoneelse had shot him, but changed his story after paramedics found the shell casing in hisunderwear. Cops ruled the shooting accidental, but the man more...