Robert Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Jimmy is at school and the teacher says "your homework is to work out the difference between potential and reality".Jimmy goes home and has no idea, so he asks his dad.His dad thinks about it and tells Jimmy to ask his mum if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid.He asks his mum and she says"don't tell your dad, but yes i would for a million quid." Jimmy goes and tells his dad all this and his dad says "Go and ask your little sister if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid" he asks his sister and she says "don't tell your dad but yes, i would for a million quid" Jimmy goes and tells his dad this and his dad says "There you go Jimmy, thats the difference between potential and reality.Potentially we're sitting on two million quid, in reality we're living with a couple of slags".

There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally came down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both came from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?" In seconds, he chooses Paul. Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?" "I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies. "Your hands? What do you mean?" "Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. Robert Frost The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse Dennis Miller Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? Edgar Bergen Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished. Leslie Nielsen The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job. Slappy White I only go to work on days that don't end in a' y'. Robert Paul It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. Muhammad Ali A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error. Dennis Miller I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. Jerome K Jerome

One Sunday morning Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White
House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am
getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in
Georgetown and his name is Matt."
After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to
talk with you. Your mother and I have been married a long time. She's
a wonderful wife but she's never offered much excitement in the
bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Matt is actually
your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him." Chelsea was
heart-broken.
After eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later
she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry
him! We're getting married in June." Again her father insisted on
another private conversation and broke the sad news.
"Robert is your half-brother too, honey. I'm awfully more...

Two men, Robert and James, applied for an engineering position. Both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the exam both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Robert and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give James the job." Robert replied, "Why? We both correctly answered nine questions. I believe I should get this job, especially since I've grown up in this town and James just moved here." The manager said, "We made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed." "How could one incorrect answer be better than the other?," asked Robert. "Simple," said the manager. "James put down on question #5, 'I don't know', and you put down, 'Neither do I."'

A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His father looks up thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it for you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your dad, but yes, I would."
Then he goes to his sister's room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! more...

A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned. "
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."
Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! more...