Robert Jokes / Recent Jokes
Extracted from US news papers:
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A 24-YEAR-old man being chased by a police officer from a Beverly Hills, Calif., house that he was
suspected of burglarizing ran into a tree branch and knocked himself unconscious. In September, in
Akron, Ohio, police said that Christopher S. Dobbins, 28, in the process of robbing Leonardo's Pizza,
slipped on a streak of grease on the floor, which was the result of a dropped pizza earlier in the
evening, and knocked himself out.
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IN ST. LOUIS IN OCTOBER, according to police, Robert Puelo, 32, stole a hot dog from a 7-Eleven and
left the store, cramming it into his mouth as he ran. Minutes later, Puelo choked to death on a
6-inch piece of the hot dog that lodged in his throat.
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In Council Bluffs, Iowa, seven relatives ranging in age from 10 to 71 piled into the family car
intending to commit suicide over more...
Miss Jones is a kindergarten teacher and today is her birthday. As she walked into her classroom one of her students, Dollly, had brought a gift up to her desk.
"Guess what it is!" said Dolly.
Knowing that Dolly's father owned a bookstore she guessed, "A Book?"
"How did you know?" asked Dolly
Next, Robert brought a gift up to Miss Smith. "Guess what it is!" said Robert.
Knowing that his parents owned a florist shop, she guessed, "Flowers?"
"How did you know ?" asked Robert
Finally, Johnny brought up a gift for Miss Smith.
"Guess what it is!" said Johnny.
Knowing that Johnny's father owned a liquor store, and seeing that the bag was wet, she placed her fingers on the liquid and then licked them.
"Rum?" guessed Miss Smith.
"No" said Johnny.
She tasted again..."Vodka?" she guessed.
"No" said Johnny.
Once again she wet her more...
Mike is causing trouble and Ajit and Robert are discussing it. Robert: Bass! !! Mike humein jeene nahin dega! ! Ajit: Koi Baat Nahin, Robert, Usey CHAMPAGNE mein bhigo do, SHAME usey jeene nahin dega aur PAIN usey marney nahin dega... ha ha ha
The producer of a low budget film is trying to convince the newly hired director of the quality of the work by telling him the big names theyve gotten for the cast. "First of all," he tells him, "Weve got Gibson in the lead." The director is surprised, "You got Mel Gibson?" "Well, no," the Producer responds, "we got Marvin Gibson, hes a distant cousin who lives in Queens, but hes very up and coming. And besides, weve also got Redford." "You got Robert Redford?" the director asks. "No, we got Jeremy Redford, but hes very talented and has lots of acting experience from years of dinner theater. But," he says enthusiastically, " weve got Streisand and in a singing role." "Barbara Streisand?" he asks. "No, Elizabeth Streisand." The Producer responds. "But shes got a great voice. AND weve got Goulet." "You got Robert Goulet?" the director asks. "Yeah," the more...
As Time Goes By - A Brief History Lesson...
3050 B.C. - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business ethic for all times.
525 B.C. - The first Olympics are held, and prove similar to the modern games, except that the Russians don't try to enter a six-footer with a moustache in the women's shot put.
214 B.C. - Tens of thousands of Chinese labor for a generation to build the 1,500 mile long Great Wall of China. And after all that, it still doesn't keep the neighbor's dog out.
1 B.C. - Calendar manufacturers find themselves in total disagreement over what to call next year.
432 - St. Patrick introduces Christianity to Ireland, thereby giving the natives something interesting to fight about for the rest of their recorded history.
1297- The world's first stock exchange opens, but no one has the foresight to buy IBM or Xerox.
1456 - An English judge reviews Joan of Arc's more...
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. Tom Clancy I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it. William Faulkner I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87. Steve Martin I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know. Mel Brooks It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous. Robert Benchley A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction. William Faulkner The free-lance writer is the person who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps. Robert Benchley
One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt."
After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife, but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I have fooled around with other women a lot. Matt is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him."
Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June."
Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Robert is your half-brother too, Honey. I'm awfully sorry about this." Chelsea was furious! more...