Robin Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich? Because the poor didn't have any!

In recent days, much has been written about the change in our national mood, and how the tragic attacks will affect the entertainment industry.
After consulting with industry leaders, we have taken the initiative and drafted the following guidelines for comedy and for action movies. These rules are effective as of October 1.
COMEDY RULES
Until further notice, all violent humor is to be replaced by sexist humor.
Similarly, all ethnic humor is to be replaced by obesity humor.
Jokes about death are to be replaced by jokes about long-term illness.
Jokes about long-term illness are to be replaced by jokes about minor injury.
Any stand-up comic who does a routine about airplanes is to be accompanied onstage by a federal marshal. (We should have done this years ago.)
No comedy is to be directed at countries with valuable airspace.
From now on, irony can only be deployed when referring to the following:
black flies in Chardonnays
free rides when more...

It was so hot today I saw a robin picking earthworms out of the ground with a pair of tongs.

"Ah, yes, divorce., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
- Robin Williams
"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet."
- Mae West
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
- Robin Williams
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
- Oscar Wilde
"Suppose you were an idiot... and suppose you were a member of Congress... but I repeat myself."
- Mark Twain

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
- Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
- Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
- Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his more...

George, Robin and Alex are standing at the Gates of Heaven being interviewed by St. Peter. "Ok you, George, how many times did you cheat on your wife??" "Let me be honest Peter. I`ve been seeing at least two or three different women a year all my married life". "Ok, your car in heaven is that Hyundai Santro there. Goodbye." St. Peter turns to Robin, "How many times did you cheat on your wife??" Robin replies, "I must admit that in fifteen years of marriage I did cheat on my wife twice." St. Peter says, "OK, your car in heaven is that Honda Civic. Here are the keys. Get going!" He then looks at Alex, "And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife??" Alex lifts his head high and replies, "I am proud to say that in over twenty years of marriage, I never cheated on my wife. In fact, my beloved has been dead for two years now and I remained celibate the whole time!" St Peter replies, "Very impressive. more...

A blonde named Pam is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with Regis Philbin.
Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500, 000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32, 000. Are you ready?"
Pam: "Yes."
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it
A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."
Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol."
Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?"
Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a
Millionaire. I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be Pam's..."
Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) more...