Rocks Jokes

Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC. A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each one a bag. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: "I wouldn't eat that if I were you." "Why not?" replied the curious brother "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."

Q: How are women and rocks alike? A: You skip across the flat ones.

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "probably because of something you did."

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

As we were driving, we saw a sign that said, "Watch for more...

When throwing rocks at seabirds, leave no tern unstoned.
When painting baboons, leave no stern untoned.

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil.
"You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the First room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water.
He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over.
Such was his fate in hell.
"No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a Sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that more...